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  • LMFAO @ this description!

    From the woot off-one of those food vacuum sealer things:

    Rival Vacuum Sealer

    $17.99
    + $5 shipping
    CONDITION:
    New
    PRODUCT:
    1 Rival FSFGSL0100-015 Vacuum Sealer


    THIS WILL BE PERFECT FOR THOSE SPECIAL SHIPMENTS!

    Food? Oh, yeah. It could work for food, too.

    Say you had a friend who needed, uh, basil. Yeah, basil. This guy cooks. A lot. Sometimes he wakes up and immediately starts cooking. Maybe he’s got a problem, but it’s not your place to judge. Besides, you’re making $80 a pop selling him basil. He’s a grownup, let him face his problems.

    Anyway, we’re getting way off track.

    So say this friend suddenly lives pretty far away, but he still wants basil. Maybe he can’t find any in his new hometown, or maybe it’s too expensive there or maybe it’s not as high quality as he prefers. So he wants you to start shipping it to him.

    Well then you could totally use something like this Rival Vacuum Sealer! It locks out air, thereby eliminating the risk of freezer burn. And since there’s no air, there’s nothing to carry small particles of your basil out into the open air where people can smell it.

    Oh yeah, in this hypothetical situation everyone who ships packages really hates basil for some reason, and they’ll consider arresting you if they catch you. We know, it’s super lame, but in this completely hypothetical world the country’s run by super uptight hypocrites who’d rather have you kill yourself with cigarettes or booze than enjoying a kinder, natural hi-...meal cooked with basil. Why? Because a long time ago some guy in the lumber industry was afraid that, uh…basil would replace wood as a cheaper, more reliable resource for paper and building materials.

    This is getting more into the hypothetical politics of this whole thing than we wanted, but you get the point. Oxygen is the enemy. It allows freezer burn, it causes your ingredients to degrade over time, and it cramps your style in the post office. Get this sealer: it’s got an easy Press/Hold & Release System, an Open/Cancel Button, and Hands-Free/Seal Indicator Lights, so anyone with an IQ over “tree stump” can use it.

    Even if you’re whacked out on basil.
    Token Split Tail

    Originally posted by slow99
    Lmao...my favorite female poster strikes again.
    Originally posted by Pokulski-Blatz
    You are a moron .... you were fucking with the most powerful vagina on DFW(MU)stangs.

  • #2
    Yeah Fed Ex calls us all the time for bags of basil. Airtight does not keep the dogs from finding it.
    Whos your Daddy?

    Comment


    • #3
      Will it work for shipping powdered sugar?
      .

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by 71chevellejohn View Post
        Will it work for shipping powdered sugar?
        You should try it sometime. I am sure someone would like to buy that Chevelle at auction after they raided your place. LOL
        Whos your Daddy?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by kingjason View Post
          Yeah Fed Ex calls us all the time for bags of basil. Airtight does not keep the dogs from finding it.
          Where do you work? I'm assuming your a cop due to your custom title.

          Comment


          • #6
            My car is at an undisclosed location making it difficult to seize and survive. Besides, I learned how to do it right - use a fake name. Just don't use "Smuggly McWeed", apparently he's on some gov't watch list.

            .

            Comment


            • #7
              ...

              nice. I'll have to show this to my neighbor. He just got busted for what he said was "basil"

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by 71chevellejohn View Post
                My car is at an undisclosed location making it difficult to seize and survive. Besides, I learned how to do it right - use a fake name. Just don't use "Smuggly McWeed", apparently he's on some gov't watch list.

                I have seen some funny ass names on that shit. NBA stars, movie stars, you name it.
                Whos your Daddy?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by roliath View Post
                  Where do you work? I'm assuming your a cop due to your custom title.
                  Pfft glorified babysitter.
                  Whos your Daddy?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by kingjason View Post
                    Pfft glorified babysitter.
                    So whats the next step when fedex calls you?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by roliath View Post
                      So whats the next step when fedex calls you?
                      Open and verify quality. Distribute among the gathered officers. Turn in as a misdemeanor amount. Don't bother pressing charges because it is such a small amount.
                      j/k
                      .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by 71chevellejohn View Post
                        Open and verify quality. Distribute among the gathered officers. Turn in as little as possible and smoke the rest. Don't bother pressing charges because.....wait, what was I talking about??
                        Nice!
                        Originally posted by talisman
                        I wonder if there will be a new character that specializes in bjj and passive agressive comebacks?
                        Originally posted by AdamLX
                        If there was, I wouldn't pick it because it would probably just keep leaving the game and then coming back like nothing happened.
                        Originally posted by Broncojohnny
                        Because fuck you, that's why
                        Originally posted by 80coupe
                        nice dick, Idrivea4banger
                        Originally posted by Rick Modena
                        ......and idrivea4banger is a real person.
                        Originally posted by Jester
                        Man ive always wanted to smoke a bowl with you. Just seem like a cool cat.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by 71chevellejohn View Post
                          Open and verify quality. Distribute among the gathered officers. Turn in as a misdemeanor amount. Don't bother pressing charges because it is such a small amount.
                          j/k
                          I have been down to our Fedex facility in Harlingen and Laredo several times in the last year and there wasn't a single day that the drug dogs weren't there. It was usually Custom Agents but they were working the entire conveyor belt so wasn't restricted to International packages. I was shocked at the amount of drug shipments they were finding daily.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by dmh165638 View Post
                            I have been down to our Fedex facility in Harlingen and Laredo several times in the last year and there wasn't a single day that the drug dogs weren't there. It was usually Custom Agents but they were working the entire conveyor belt so wasn't restricted to International packages. I was shocked at the amount of drug shipments they were finding daily.
                            Thats why they use UPS.



                            The Manhattan dentist who called cops after he received a mystery UPS package bursting with pot said Saturday he has no regrets over piping up.

                            "Even if it was money, I would still call up the police," Dr. Richards Lyons said a day after making the dopey discovery worth $50,000 on the street. "It's not mine and it's not legal."

                            The 31 pounds of reefer arrived at Lyons' Chinatown office with a Texas return address, but cops were still trying to track down the shipment's true origin.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by 71chevellejohn View Post
                              Open and verify quality. Distribute among the gathered officers. Turn in as a misdemeanor amount. Don't bother pressing charges because it is such a small amount.
                              j/k
                              I LOL'd!

                              Comment

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