Thinking about asking her to move in with me......

[93LXHORSE]

My 95 year old grandma, that is.....


My grandma and I are pretty tight - I never had a mom or a dad - I was raised by a stepmom who I never really hit if off with. My sis and I are her only blood relatives - and my sis lives in Austin.

I live 10 minutes away, but have been gone for the last year. She misses me terribly and looks forward to my settling back home in August.

She can't take care of her lawn any more, it takes her a week to clean the house - one rooom per day... she can't sweep the patio, and needs help unscrewing the lids off of Dr Pepper, prescription bottles, etc..

Plus she falls.. she is getting to the point where she needs a rommie. However, she told me she does not want to intrude on my life, or be a bother.. but she wouldn't be a bother, and she has done more for me than anyone ever has and I don't know where I'd be without her.

Anyway, my idea is a piece of property with a house that has a separate guest house for her, or a large enough house where we could be at opposite ends to sleep, use the bathroom, etc. but share a couple of common rooms.... I'd have my theate room with my gear, but we'd have a living room with a TV were we could watch the Cowboys or Rangers game.

Neither of our current houses would fit the bill. Ideally we would wind up with a house for me, a small house with kitchen, bed, bath, TV room, etc. Comfortable and private, for each of us. Then a stand alone garage for her car, and while we're at it, a 3 car garage for me, with a lift... lol.

Now's not the time to sell my house, or hers. We could turn them both into rentals. When she passes some day, I could rent out the place she was using.

So, in her last few years, she'd have me as company and there to help her out with whatever.. but she'd still have privacy and independance, but no worries about the yard, cleaning, etc. I'd take care of all that.

Anyone have any experience with moving their family in with them? Yes, it would be a bit of a change for me, but I'd set it up where she'd be unaware of my guests, coming and goings, etc.

So I guess I'd like to hear what kind of setup works the best for that situation..

Plus I'd instantly have rental properties, LOL..


I am thinking about pitching the idea to her that we get a house that has

[papapepper]

Don't do it, reconsider.

Nevermind. Let me read first, LOL! Thought you were talking about a girlfriend haha!

[YALE]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's your sister doing?

[347Mike]

I think that speaks volumes about your character which is commendable. I say go for it. It is a win/win for both of you. You both seem to have a strong relationship.

[papapepper]

I think that speaks volumes about your character which is commendable. I say go for it. It is a win/win for both of you. You both seem to have a strong relationship.

x2

[mstng86]

It is definitely a great jesture and if you feel it would make her feel good in her last years and you are ok with it, then do it.

Just remember a few things. When you leave the house, you are always going to wonder if she is going to be ok. You will be checking up on her constantly when she is alone. You will end up having to help her in "uncomfortable" situations, accidents and so forth. You will probably end up giving her her medication and preparing meals and such. Don't forget you could end up being the one to take her to all her doctors appointments too, which will inevitably eat into your work schedule.

Alot of sacrifices and responsibility comes with it. You just have to decide if you can take it all on.

[347Mike]

It is definitely a great jesture and if you feel it would make her feel good in her last years and you are ok with it, then do it.

Just remember a few things. When you leave the house, you are always going to wonder if she is going to be ok. You will be checking up on her constantly when she is alone. You will end up having to help her in "uncomfortable" situations, accidents and so forth. You will probably end up giving her her medication and preparing meals and such. Don't forget you could end up being the one to take her to all her doctors appointments too, which will inevitably eat into your work schedule.

Alot of sacrifices and responsibility comes with it. You just have to decide if you can take it all on.

Those are all true, yes, but wouldn't she just continue doing what she is doing? He already stated she didn't want to be an inconvenience.

[mstng86]

Those are all true, yes, but wouldn't she just continue doing what she is doing? He already stated she didn't want to be an inconvenience.

Maybe, but at some point she won't be able to do it alone. She may want to, but physically it won't happen. It is a major long term committment, because he could live with her for years.

My uncle has dealt with this situation for a long time. He is basically my grandparents caretakers. He feels guilty leaving the house all the time. Even goes home for lunch everyday to check up on them.

[clevelandkid]

It's nice that you are trying to do what's best for your grandma...

I'm sure you will make the right decision, but personally, I don't think a 95 year old should have a car. Also, I would think that a nice nursing home with a full time staff of professionals who are trained and familiar with caring for the elderly would be a better option than buying / renting a new house, and trying to work around your existing schedule to accommodate her for whatever time remains in her life.

[Frank]

It is definitely a great jesture and if you feel it would make her feel good in her last years and you are ok with it, then do it.

Just remember a few things. When you leave the house, you are always going to wonder if she is going to be ok. You will be checking up on her constantly when she is alone. You will end up having to help her in "uncomfortable" situations, accidents and so forth. You will probably end up giving her her medication and preparing meals and such. Don't forget you could end up being the one to take her to all her doctors appointments too, which will inevitably eat into your work schedule.

Alot of sacrifices and responsibility comes with it. You just have to decide if you can take it all on.

There are some means of dealing with some of these issues. For instance there is a day care for adults near where I live where they can be watched after and enjoy others company while being in a safe place and getting meds. Maybe one near you. There are nurses that can come check on her once a week too. There are some areas that have transportation for elderly and disabled. Hard part is planning all of this when you don't know where you will live. Perhaps renting a place for both of you for a while? Are you buying or renting your current house? You may eventually find yourself forced to look into a permanent elderly care facility and hospice. It would be wise to look into these now just to know what to expect $$$ wise.

[Blackout]

have you looked in to a retirement housing resadents. their is one in Grapevine thats nice basicly she would have her own house can keep her car their they take her to get food from the store. its not a bad option. my girls mom and dad take care of her dads mom she is 98 and requires alot of care all the time. but my grandmother is 94 and lives on her own. so think about it.

[SVT Lurch]

While that's a very commendable gesture you would probably be better off just hiring a live-in nurse (or start with one 8 hours a day and work up to live-in as needed). See below for reasoning.

Anyway, my idea is a piece of property with a house that has a separate guest house for her, or a large enough house where we could be at opposite ends to sleep, use the bathroom, etc. but share a couple of common rooms.... I'd have my theate room with my gear, but we'd have a living room with a TV were we could watch the Cowboys or Rangers game.

Neither of our current houses would fit the bill. Ideally we would wind up with a house for me, a small house with kitchen, bed, bath, TV room, etc. Comfortable and private, for each of us. Then a stand alone garage for her car, and while we're at it, a 3 car garage for me, with a lift... lol.

Now's not the time to sell my house, or hers. We could turn them both into rentals. When she passes some day, I could rent out the place she was using.

No one wants to sell their houses right now because the market is "crap". Truth be told most appraisals I get back now are coming in higher than the sales price (which means home prices are trending up). The other issue is unless you have a 2 year history on your tax returns of owning rental property you can't use any of the rental income to qualify for the purchase of the new house (unless you can document 25% equity in both old houses, then you can use 75% of the rent from an executed lease). That means unless you're both living well below your means there's very little chance you'll qualify for any kind of addtional mortgage, let alone one with a guest house, or as big as you're talking about getting. I don't mean to rain on your parade, just letting you know where the mortgage industry is right now.

[347Mike]

I may have read this wrong but what I got from the original post was that his grandmah enjoys his company and misses him when he is gone. Everyone rooting for retirement homes sort of voids that whole "company" fact he mentioned.

The fact is she is older and would be extremely nice to spend as much time with her as possible. Not everything is about doing what is convenient for you but honoring someones last wish as they spend their last few years.

Like I said, just my opinion and I am sure this is easier said than done.

[SVT Lurch]

I may have read this wrong but what I got from the original post was that his grandmah enjoys his company and misses him when he is gone. Everyone rooting for retirement homes sort of voids that whole "company" fact he mentioned.

That's why I suggested help coming to her, that way they're still 10 minutes apart and he can see her as much as he does now. I agree a lot of people seem to have missed that part of the post though.

[93LXHORSE]

ANYway.... lol! She doesn't need a nursing home, and she is fiercely independent. She will hold on to her house as long as possible... it's paid for, obviouysly... but it's too big for her. Takes her a week to clean it, and she can't garden any more.......

And mostly she's just on her own alot, which she doesn't mind at all, but she falls once a year, and breaks bones. If she breaks a hip she's done for. Also, I don't like the idea of her passing in her sleep and no one knowing about it for a couple of days..

My aunt has already stated that when the time comes, she will take her in...

But she's not really related -

My grand dad who is her second husband, and they married when they were both in their 60's......
has tons of decendants all over Crowely / Burleson, and though he's been gone for many years, they treat her and I like family. But, since I AM family, and my grandma really likes having me around, I thought I'd pitch the idea to my aunts first, then we can all campaign to gma to make it happen...

But, we're not doing an intervention, by any means... it's mearly a suggestion to arrange things for gma to not have to be on her own in her last years. When she can no longer take care of herself, then we can get assistance in bathing her, etc., then hospice in her final days.

She has no debilitating condition or organ problems that point to her eventual cause of death. She's just gonna get older and weaker and fall again.... and break something again.. just tryin to head all that off at the pass, and keep her company..