Placing a family member in a nursing facility?

[Rick Modena]

Frank, thanks for all your info. I've been keeping an eye out for this thread lots of valuable information in it.
My FIL is starting to forget things (94 yrs.), he has a second wife who came from nothing, even though he only has his pension and owns his home in Arlington, its nothing fancy, maybe worth $200k. She is having health issues and they can barely take care of themselves, there are three sisters that think if he dies first they can just take over, but I don't feel like its going to be easy and this is going to happen with type of fight in the courts.

[Frank]

Frank, thanks for all your info. I've been keeping an eye out for this thread lots of valuable information in it.
My FIL is starting to forget things (94 yrs.), he has a second wife who came from nothing, even though he only has his pension and owns his home in Arlington, its nothing fancy, maybe worth $200k. She is having health issues and they can barely take care of themselves, there are three sisters that think if he dies first they can just take over, but I don't feel like its going to be easy and this is going to happen with type of fight in the courts.

Yours is a lot more complicated. For sure start talking to an attorney yourself and hopefully the rest of the family will come together calmly to sort out the details now before it gets urgent and panicky. Glad I could help.

[ceyko]

Yes there is a will, but it isn't where she said it should be, so I'm going to be turning the house upside down to find it.

I cannot speak for TX, but in the state I dealt with an others - the will also has to be filed with the county courthouse to be valid (with x amount of witnesses...etc..etc) - so that may be a place worth looking into. It may require you to have POA or be admin of the estate.

[Rick Modena]

Yours is a lot more complicated. For sure start talking to an attorney yourself and hopefully the rest of the family will come together calmly to sort out the details now before it gets urgent and panicky. Glad I could help.

Yes, that seems to be the way things are looking, the three sisters are on the same page, but one lives out of state and really is lazy and wants as little to do as possible, unless of course there will be some kibbles and bits for her, they do get along and are on the same page on things, the wild card will be his current wife who didn't come from much, so to her that small home in Arlington is a mini-mansion in Highland Park.
She is so trailer park country that instead of calling one of of us to have the door widened in the master BR for my FIL's walker, she took a Lowes hacksaw and sawed and chipped away at the lower part of the door frame.
It looks like hammered dog shit now.

[564826]

I’m very sorry for what you are going through. Your family is in our prayers.

[68RR]

Frank, glad to hear you hired a good Attorney and things are looking up for you and the family. Ask her for an opinion about a revocable trust for you and your family.

[GeorgeG.]

Good luck with all of it.

I don't have much advice but my wife dealt with this with her grandparents. Her grandma passed first then a few months later her grandpa. The actual adult kids did absolutely nothing to help my wife...worthless POS's. Once her grandpa was on his last few months, they finally started to visit, help clean the house, and other little things to make themselves feel better about their own shitty lives. My wife handled everything, took them to dr. visits, picked up prescriptions, went through every piece of paper (caused they saved everything), made sure all bills were paid, insurance policies were in order, fed them, changed them, was practically onsite 24/7...it was hard. And hard on our marriage for a while.

Then he passed and that's when the worthless adult-ass kids showed up talking about how she should've done things differently, questioning the money, the assets. One of them even promoted their husband as the estate something (forgot the name of it) and then said she couldn't step foot in the house to get a few of her own belongings. It was a shit show, man. A total shit show by grown ass people.

So I guess the only thing I can say is be glad you're the only child that has to deal with it. But yeah, if you don't have the desire to research your ass off, then get an attorney. And buckle down on your marriage because it will be stressful. Good luck


***I just saw your post about the updates. Glad it's working out.

[GrayStangGT]

Consult an attorney about a Lady Bird Deed for the house.

https://zoltonlaw.com/lady-bird-deed-benefits-limitations/

[Sgt Beavis]

I might be in the same boat soon. Mom is only 71 but she didn't take care of herself at all (don't do meth folks). She doesn't have any money beyond her SS check and what I and my siblings give her. She nearly died a couple of weeks ago and I don't think she can really take care of herself. Her only real asset is a 2007 Chevy HHR but she can't really drive any more so my little brother is gonna sell it for her.

She might move in with my little brother but that's only gonna work if my other siblings step up with some financial help. My brother has plenty of room for her but, IMO, can't be expected to handle all of this alone.

Fortunately, I don't have this concern with my Dad. Except for drinkin' too much, he takes fairly good care of himself and has a plan for retirement. The bad thing for him is that his wife has alzheimer's which is unfortunately about to run its course.

[Frank]

Thank you all for the kind words and support. I'll continue to share my experiences if it helps someone and moves you to take action before its too late.

[Sleeper]

Have a family member that is an administrator of a facility. If its a good home they will help set things up, id still have someone who is more up to date with laws etc represent you imho. In the end its about the persons care and well being but also protecting yourself.

If any military deffinatly get that rolling that saved our family.farm.twice