Parenting Rant

[TX_92_Notch]

Saturday evening, my 9 year old daughter had her first sleepover at a friend's house. She's 9 years old. One less than ten.

We knew she would stay up later than we like, but that's ok. We figured the girls (5 or 6 of them, all 8-10 years old) would play games, do birthday stuff, maybe watch a kid's movie or something, just be little girls, because they're still little girls.

Nope. This 'mom' turns on a rated R horror film for the girls (8-10 years old, remember?) to watch. And when that was over, turns on ANOTHER rated R horror film for them. "Terrifier" and "Lights Out".

My 9 year old has no idea what cuss words are. She has no idea what sex is. She's as innocent as innocent gets. ONE SINGLE NIGHT at a friends house and she's presented 3+ hours of sheer terror, violence, bloody gore, sex scenes and obscenities shouted throughout both movies. And the 'mom' in this home somehow feels this is ok?

My daughter didn't sleep a single second that night. She was so terrified that she wouldn't get out of bed to walk through their dark house to use the restroom that she literally laid in bed and messed herself. She has not been more than 5 feet from my wife or myself since she got home early Sunday morning (my wife picked her up at 5 AM). She sobbed 3 separate times this morning getting ready for school. They quite literally traumatized my little girl.

I am beside myself at what some people call parenting these days. Such a shame. Let them be little!!!!!

[jluv]

That sucks.

But hey, now that your kid knows about sex, cuss words, and murder, you should tell her that her friend's mom is a slutty fucking cunt and she's lucky you don't go over there and slit her god damned throat.

Make lemonade out of those lemons!

[Rick Modena]

Man, before I put in my opinion, I think you are an OK guy on the board.

Having three daughters, this is clearly your fault. You or your wife should know the parents of her friends and by knowing, I mean you should have talked to both father and mom to see what kind of people they are, church going, involved in school activities, where they live, what kind of cars do they drive and a quick internet search to see if they are ex-drug heads, alcoholics or pedos.

And lastly, I would have asked them what they planned to do for the evening, if you have a set schedule then they should respect that and stay close to it. I would have also told them that you are not OK with r-rated movies and other things, like allergies, prescription medicine, etc.

She's your child, if you're raising her a certain way, the kids she hangs out with should be close in culture to yours.

[Craizie]

Jluv is right. This is a teachable experience.

[JC316]

Man, before I put in my opinion, I think you are an OK guy on the board.

Having three daughters, this is clearly your fault. You or your wife should know the parents of her friends and by knowing, I mean you should have talked to both father and mom to see what kind of people they are, church going, involved in school activities, where they live, what kind of cars do they drive and a quick internet search to see if they are ex-drug heads, alcoholics or pedos.

And lastly, I would have asked them what they planned to do for the evening, if you have a set schedule then they should respect that and stay close to it. I would have also told them that you are not OK with r-rated movies and other things, like allergies, prescription medicine, etc.

She's your child, if you're raising her a certain way, the kids she hangs out with should be close in culture to yours.

Yes and no. On one hand, you need to know who your kids are staying with. Then on the other hand, what kind of fucking idiot shows TERRIFIER to little girls?

Don't know if you've ever seen that show, but the signature scene is a psycho mime stringing a topless girl upside down, then sawing her in half, starting at the crotch.

Takes a seriously dumb mother fucker to show that movie to kids.

[TX_92_Notch]

Man, before I put in my opinion, I think you are an OK guy on the board.

Having three daughters, this is clearly your fault. You or your wife should know the parents of her friends and by knowing, I mean you should have talked to both father and mom to see what kind of people they are, church going, involved in school activities, where they live, what kind of cars do they drive and a quick internet search to see if they are ex-drug heads, alcoholics or pedos.

And lastly, I would have asked them what they planned to do for the evening, if you have a set schedule then they should respect that and stay close to it. I would have also told them that you are not OK with r-rated movies and other things, like allergies, prescription medicine, etc.

She's your child, if you're raising her a certain way, the kids she hangs out with should be close in culture to yours.

That's the craizie part - we know the mom! She's been to church with us! Our daughters went to school together last year and they're in the same class this year. She's been to our house. Baked goodies and brought them over. Our kids have had daytime play dates and the mom is super friendly and bubbly.

We are beside ourselves that she allowed this and it's changed the way we'll handle sleepovers in the future, not that my 9YO will have any desire for a sleepover again for quite some time. When you send your 9 YO daughter to a birthday/slumber party, it's sad you can't assume that it's not to be a time spent watching rated-R horror films or God knows what else.

We learned the hard way on this one, at our daughter's expense.

[TX_92_Notch]

Yes and no. On one hand, you need to know who your kids are staying with. Then on the other hand, what kind of fucking idiot shows TERRIFIER to little girls?

Don't know if you've ever seen that show, but the signature scene is a psycho mime stringing a topless girl upside down, then sawing her in half, starting at the crotch.

Takes a seriously dumb mother fucker to show that movie to kids.

Thank you, agreed.

And the part about that scene just infuriates me that much more. I wouldn't let me teenager watch a movie like that. The thought of allowing little girls to watch it is so far from my mind that I find it hard to fathom how ANYONE could consider that ok?

My kids watch Sophia the First, Jungle Book (the kid cartoon, not the dark movie remakes), and so on. She went from Sophia the First to Terrifier in one evening.

[JC316]

When you send your 9 YO daughter to a birthday/slumber party, it's sad you can't assume that it's not to be a time spent watching rated-R horror films or God knows what else.

There are some pretty tame horror movies out there that are suitable for children, depending on maturity level. Terrifier is not one of them. It's a B movie that focuses on violence, gore, and sex. It's unrated, because they never would have gotten it past the MPAA without an NC17.

If you want to do a haloween genre, do Beetlejuice Ghostbusters, or Hocus Pocus!!!

[Chili]

Man, before I put in my opinion, I think you are an OK guy on the board.

Having three daughters, this is clearly your fault. You or your wife should know the parents of her friends and by knowing, I mean you should have talked to both father and mom to see what kind of people they are, church going, involved in school activities, where they live, what kind of cars do they drive and a quick internet search to see if they are ex-drug heads, alcoholics or pedos.

And lastly, I would have asked them what they planned to do for the evening, if you have a set schedule then they should respect that and stay close to it. I would have also told them that you are not OK with r-rated movies and other things, like allergies, prescription medicine, etc.

She's your child, if you're raising her a certain way, the kids she hangs out with should be close in culture to yours.

I tend to agree with Henry on this one.. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way condemning your parenting or anything, but would suggest you were at least partially culpable for the end result in this scenario. And it sucks that this is the case.

I still think what that mother did is far worse, and I cannot imagine exposing other peoples kids to something like that, even if I were ok with it for my kid (not that I am). When you take on the responsibility of someone else's child, IMO you should err on the side of conservative.

I would be really pissed, but probably wouldn't bother even attempting to address it with her any further. I just would no longer allow my daughter to spend time with the other girl and her mother, alone. If they want to spend time together, they can do it at your home. If the other mother brought it up, I wouldn't be ugly about it, but would be honest and tell her why (the impact of the last visit, to your daughter).

That sucks.

But hey, now that your kid knows about sex, cuss words, and murder, you should tell her that her friend's mom is a slutty fucking cunt and she's lucky you don't go over there and slit her god damned throat.

Make lemonade out of those lemons!

LMMFAO! Nevermind, I'd do that instead!

[bcoop]

Learning lesson for all 3 of you. Your child is sheltered. So are my nieces and nephew (Mormon). And that’s ok, but, you can’t expect the rest of the world to shelter her for you, nor will everyone else share your beliefs. Especially true if you’re religious. Shenanigans have been afoot at sleepovers since the beginning of time.

I’m not excusing the other parent, nor am I saying you don’t have a right to be pissed. You do.

[Big A]

I see both sides of this, though quite frankly you can "know" someone well enough, and still have them go off the rails, this being a prime example. The only armchair quarterbacking I'd do is reiterate that you should have at least asked what the plan for the evening was, if for no other reason than out of genuine curiosity of what your daughter will be doing all evening.

Did you or mom drop her off without asking a single question?

[CexMashean]

9 years old and doesn't know what curse words are?

I think the first word out of my mouth was damn, followed by fuck.

My mom and dad took me to see Predator before I was 5 years old.

I didn't think that level of sheltering still existed.

Terrifier and Lights Out are a little extreme though.

[TX_92_Notch]

I just talked to my wife. I wasn't there when she dropped our daughter off and I hadn't asked her about discussing the plans for the evening with the mom. It was cake, 'birthday stuff' and games. There was zero mention of movie time or anything else outside of "a typical sleepover".

The reality of the evening is they did cake and the girls were all sent upstairs to the game / movie room. The girl who lives there is allowed to watch those movies (we know that now, we didn't then) and she turned them on. The mom has zero problem with her kids watching that stuff so she just let them all stay upstairs and watch movies for the evening.

And yes, she's 9 and has (had) no idea what curse words are. My 8 YO son knows because I've heard him call out people when they cuss and my two older daughters both wondered what he was making a fuss about. They know bad words exist but they don't know what they are.

[jluv]

I have a hard time finding blame with the OP. I mean, should you have asked what activities were planned for the evening? Sure. But, I think any reasonable parent should be able to reasonably expect that another reasonable parent would never show graphically sexual or gory movies to kids that young.

If the other parent had let the kids stay up until 3 AM eating handfuls of candy and watching a PG-13 flick, you'd have to chalk that up to something that even little kids end up doing at sleepovers. You could still be upset, but mostly blame yourself for not asking more questions.

However, this is some grossly overboard shit we're talking about. I haven't seen the movie, but from what is described above, WTF?!?!? The line was crossed, laughed at, and shat upon. What that lady did is completely unreasonable, and no parent should have even had to imagine that something like that would ever happen at a sleepover for kids that young. There's no way in a million years that I wouldn't confront that stupid bitch and give her an earful.

[TX_92_Notch]

I tend to agree with Henry on this one.. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way condemning your parenting or anything, but would suggest you were at least partially culpable for the end result in this scenario. And it sucks that this is the case.

I still think what that mother did is far worse, and I cannot imagine exposing other peoples kids to something like that, even if I were ok with it for my kid (not that I am). When you take on the responsibility of someone else's child, IMO you should err on the side of conservative.

I would be really pissed, but probably wouldn't bother even attempting to address it with her any further. I just would no longer allow my daughter to spend time with the other girl and her mother, alone. If they want to spend time together, they can do it at your home. If the other mother brought it up, I wouldn't be ugly about it, but would be honest and tell her why (the impact of the last visit, to your daughter).

We're pretty much on the same page here, except there was discussion about the evening per my last post.

We've hosted countless sleepovers at our house. The kids play games, jump on the trampoline, play with the chickens and goats and Great Pyrenees puppies, and so on. On the rare occasions when they've watched a show, it's one or two episodes of somethin like Sophia the First or Dyno Trucks and then the TV is off and go play - do kid stuff, not sit around and watch rated-R horror films unsupervised.