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Okay, I had my first anxiety attack yesterday in years. I got sick to my stomach because, after 4 years, the VA finally decided to hear an appeal of mine on a case I filed in 2013. February 2013. In 2005, before I was medicated and all of that, when I wasn't sleeping, was seeing walls bleed and fun stuff, I was divorced. I sent the VA all of my paperwork but since I was homeless, I didn't think to do certified mail. After that, I didn't think anything of it.
Just over a year later, I got married, got cleaned up, treated and sent in my marriage license, certified and thought I was good to go. Life was okay, rolling along....Then comes 2013. The VA calls and says "We noticed you're not married to your ex."
"Right. You have a copy of my divorce decree and marriage license."
"No, we don't."
"Yes, I see on DEERS my wife is in the system as my spouse."
"Both of them are in the system as your spouse."
"That makes no sense."
"We don't really care. You owe us 13k in over payment, we're going to withdraw it all at once."
This went back and forth until I negotiated down to just about $200 a month repayment while I appealed. I took out a personal loan and tried to hand them cash to pay it off only to be told it was impossible for me to pay, it had to come out of my benefits so....I owed a debt that I could not pay off.
Fast forward, I have gone to every VSO from VFW to DAV only to be told "Drop it, no one wins these, just pay what they say and walk away." Except I can't. It's not in me to give up a fight. That brings me to tomorrow and yesterday's panic attack
Tomorrow morning (I leave here at 2 am), I have to be at the Waco Regional Center a 830 ("Be here an hour before or you forfeit") to go to a hearing they have told me they purposely overbook ("Prepare to sit for several hours, we overbook these hearings") in a room that nowhere online I can find what building it's in or what room it's in, facing a VA judge and VA attorneys arguing .... by myself. It's daunting.
If I medicate to take the edge off, I lose the speed of my thought process and clarity of thought but if I don't, I run the risk of not being able to catch my thoughts and my anger getting out of hand and me throwing things and having another issue of my last time at the VA medicated (I threw a desk). My binder with my case is in the truck, my cane is in the truck, the vehicle is gassed and ready, I'm going to bed at 7 so I have time to sleep off my ambien and the GPS is plugged in but...
Damn this is going to be hard. I thought I'd share with yall because you guys have gotten to be family.
Just over a year later, I got married, got cleaned up, treated and sent in my marriage license, certified and thought I was good to go. Life was okay, rolling along....Then comes 2013. The VA calls and says "We noticed you're not married to your ex."
"Right. You have a copy of my divorce decree and marriage license."
"No, we don't."
"Yes, I see on DEERS my wife is in the system as my spouse."
"Both of them are in the system as your spouse."
"That makes no sense."
"We don't really care. You owe us 13k in over payment, we're going to withdraw it all at once."
This went back and forth until I negotiated down to just about $200 a month repayment while I appealed. I took out a personal loan and tried to hand them cash to pay it off only to be told it was impossible for me to pay, it had to come out of my benefits so....I owed a debt that I could not pay off.
Fast forward, I have gone to every VSO from VFW to DAV only to be told "Drop it, no one wins these, just pay what they say and walk away." Except I can't. It's not in me to give up a fight. That brings me to tomorrow and yesterday's panic attack
Tomorrow morning (I leave here at 2 am), I have to be at the Waco Regional Center a 830 ("Be here an hour before or you forfeit") to go to a hearing they have told me they purposely overbook ("Prepare to sit for several hours, we overbook these hearings") in a room that nowhere online I can find what building it's in or what room it's in, facing a VA judge and VA attorneys arguing .... by myself. It's daunting.
If I medicate to take the edge off, I lose the speed of my thought process and clarity of thought but if I don't, I run the risk of not being able to catch my thoughts and my anger getting out of hand and me throwing things and having another issue of my last time at the VA medicated (I threw a desk). My binder with my case is in the truck, my cane is in the truck, the vehicle is gassed and ready, I'm going to bed at 7 so I have time to sleep off my ambien and the GPS is plugged in but...
Damn this is going to be hard. I thought I'd share with yall because you guys have gotten to be family.
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