Is it possible to dig up a 15 year old thread on the old board?

[AnthonyS]

What does it say..? I have to register and it's being a huge pain in the ass right now

That day sucked, and everything that happened last year sucked as well. I have no finality, no closure... only confusion and sadness about the whole thing.

Things like this always remind me of a certain song.... If you live long enough, god will destroy everything you love.

[Chili]

Here is another that you may be thinking of Chris, as you had a pretty long post in there too (I could see it leading to PM conversations):

Posted 7/19/2003

http://www.dfwstangs.net/forums/4-back-porch/111550-window-into-what-makes-me-tick.html

I saw my father burry his two younger sisters... about 10 years apart...

I never could understand how he could be so calm and collected and simply sigh that surrendering sigh and that be it...

until my brother died...

Curt was only 22... he died of a herion overdose...

I had never lost anyone really close to me before that day... and then I lost the closest person on earth to me. I still don't know in my head how to react to something like that. All I know is that I will forever be a little numb to death and a little distant to anyone I come into contact with... I just can't afford to lose another Curt like that...

I still don't know how my father did it... perhaps it was burying his drunken father early that caloused him, but I know how I will do it... Curt's passing left me cold and pale like stone. you can't bend a rock... you can't squeeze tears from a rock...

I've learned to consume every moment as if it were my last, but I've also learned not to place too much importance on any one moment because my joy and lust for life is another's introduction to pain when I kick the bucket.

ahh well... if that's the cycle and the circle, then I suppose I'm glad I was on the inside and not the outside...

better to have gone out on your own and gotten kicked in the nuts than to flip hamburgers for the man for the rest of your life.

to all my lovers, don't worry, my midlife crisis is only 5-8yrs away...

to all my haters, don't worry, my midlife crisis is only 5-8yrs away...

nothing but love,

Forrest

[Chili]

That one choked me up..

Chris, your post in that thread:

I don't know if I know how YOU feel, but I know how I felt, going through a chaotic upbringing, having a father that killed my mother, then himself a few years later, growing up with a religious fanatic stepmother that robbed my childhood..

Then becoming a true party animal and selling drugs and having loads of fun and getting pussy galore.....

Then finding my best friend at the bottom of the pool with his neck broken becuause he jumped in drunk, and having to explain to his mother that we were drinking and doing drugs.....

Then sinking into the depths of self destruction, self imposed slow death, watching people die around me, or go to prison, or disappear, learning to survive on a candy bar, a shot of heroin, and a cup of water per day, to ease the pain of the miserable life I was living.

It got so bad my organs were failing, I was pissing brown, my blood was black, my eyes were yellow, and I had no saliva...

I cleaned up and fell in love, then lost her to the disease of addiction and didn't want her to be alone and hurting by herself, so I jumped back in with her, only to have us experience the most disgusting side of each other and want to kill each other.

Then back to jail, then cleaned up again, this time for 4.5 years. Day by day I choose not to go back to that life, but I feel like I don't fit in sometimes, like I watch the world go by, and am not truly a part of it. Somedays I love life, somedays I think civilization has failed and I want to disassociate myself from it.

Sometimes I just want to have a drink but I know I will somehow wind up with nothing, eventually, if I do..

But for the most part I am happy, and keep pluggin on, trying to make a little happiness for myself, and maybe one or two people in my immediate vicinity.

For the longest, I was a liability to all around me.

Then I was just holding my own.

Now I feel like......... every so often, I make a small, positive contribution, and it makes me feel ok inside........

[Chili]

OK, last one.. Getting sad.

4/22/2003: http://www.dfwstangs.net/forums/4-ba...ul-moment.html

sorry if this is a little touchy-feely... I've got a couple drinks in me, so forgive me if I'm a bit out of character...

I'm sitting here wading through all the mp3's I've got on the computer, and I stumble upon the GNR cover of Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door"...

I remember about a year ago... my little brother died March 14... a couple weeks later I was sitting on the computer listening to music, and I played that song... thinking of Curtis...

and my little sister waked in... they were twins...

she and I didn't say one word to eachother... she just walked in and hugged me, and was sat there hugging eachother listening to this song, remembering... thinking about our brother, and crying...

it was fuckin' beautiful... one of those moments in life that you'd never wish upon anyone, but god damn if it wasn't one of the best moments in your life...

I miss my brother... he was fuckin' cool...

Forrest

[Sean88gt]

It was real depressing to read through that, older pm's, etc.

[cobrajet69]

That one choked me up..

Chris, your post in that thread:

Never read this post.
Damned good on you for breaking that heavy ball & chain man!

OK, last one.. Getting sad.

4/22/2003: http://www.dfwstangs.net/forums/4-ba...ul-moment.html

Intense Yen & yang




David

[93LXHORSE]

Wow, good work, everyone... no doubt the sleuths on here can get the job done...

Chili: I wonder if the post that started it all.... got deleted permanently or something. I don't see it in this thread and I the links just direct me to sign up.... so if there is anything else not copied into the thread let me know.. and I'll sign up.



Do you think it would be prudent to send her a link to this thread via Facebook PM ? I think I will... I know any words she can read from Forrest will help in healing...

[Chili]

Wow, good work, everyone... no doubt the sleuths on here can get the job done...

Chili: I wonder if the post that started it all.... got deleted permanently or something. I don't see it in this thread and I the links just direct me to sign up.... so if there is anything else not copied into the thread let me know.. and I'll sign up.



Do you think it would be prudent to send her a link to this thread via Facebook PM ? I think I will... I know any words she can read from Forrest will help in healing...

I mean, Forrest posted that stuff and it is still out there, so I wouldn't think
she wouldn't have a problem with it. And Molly, at least, would probably like to see it.

As for the original thread, the big challenge is what to search on since we are limited to the results parameters of their board. We can't see more than 500 results, and given the time were talking about here, there is a lot to sort through.

It's very possible something was deleted back then, and while it would still be visible to mods and admins, I don't have those permissions over there.

Searching would be much more effective if we knew some very specific words he would have used in the post. I came up with the above by searching for posts by Forrest containing words like 'brother, Curt' and stuff I thought might be mentioned.

[93LXHORSE]

Well I am sure it took a bit of time and effort to do all that, and I appreciate it.

I mean you did a lot, but... can't you do more? LOL! j/k man, thanks!

[Chili]

Well I am sure it took a bit of time and effort to do all that, and I appreciate it.

I mean you did a lot, but... can't you do more? LOL! j/k man, thanks!

Haha, no worries.