Here's a challenge

[Strychnine]

I posted something similar in another thread, but why not start a new one. Here's a challenge to every one of you friends, acquaintances, passers by, and window lickers:

For the next two weeks every time you cross paths with someone try to do two things.

1. Make them feel comfortable
2. Make them feel dignified

In any interaction in this world, with any reasonable person, these are the two things everyone wants. Comfort and dignity.

Grocery bagger, bank teller, restaurant server, police officer, your employees, your boss, VP or president of your company... or just that random person you choose to hold a door for or say good morning to.

That young kid fixing a flat at Discount Tire probably didn't mean to leave the chalk mark on the tire. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he's trying to get you back on the road.
The guy running across the parking lot who's grocery bag just spilt open and dropped everything? He could really use 15 seconds of your time rather than your "you don't know how to hold a bag" condescension.
The cashier at Target probably didn't mean to ring up the CheezIts twice. Give her a break, she's trying to get you your shitty snack food quickly
The guy on the train whose shoe is untied? He'd probably really appreciate a stranger letting him know before he feels like shit for holding up the crowd of people wanting to get off.
The girl at the hotel check in desk who can't give you the "Don't you know who I am, I come here all the time" discount? That's out of her control, stop giving her shit. She's trying to get you checked in and on your way as smoothly as possible
(I've seen all of these this week)

Don't assume a larger problem is one single person's fault and never belittle a person for something out of their control, or for something they tried to do well.

"Be polite, notice how you affect others and adjust your behavior based on what you notice. Make the people around you feel as comfortable and dignified as possible. Follow their lead, and be eager to learn how the Romans do it. If you don't know which fork to use, ask, and then be grateful. A person in need endears themselves."


Try it.

[Craizie]

I treat everyone with kindness and respect until I feel they no longer deserve it.

[Cum Dumpster]

Consider the challenge accepted from me. I think I do a very good job doing this in person. I can do better though.


On this site I fail way too often, and that's on me.

[Strychnine]

I treat everyone with kindness and respect until I feel they no longer deserve it.

That's fair.

There are a lot of people who withhold kindness and respect until they feel the other person has "earned it" though (putting themselves on some bullshit pedestal and which is also generally impossible in a passing situation) and that's the crap that makes it seem like our world is 'every man for himself. '

[JC316]

I treat everyone with kindness and respect until I feel they no longer deserve it.

My attitude precisely. I'm the nicest guy that you've ever met, until you get an attitude or start trying to walk on me. Then things change.

[Tx Redneck]

Man, threads like this show how the site is gettin "all growed up". I agree with the concept and generally make it a part of my daily fare. The societal trend of everyone for themselves and being out for their pound of flesh has made me weary.

I've not met you irl, but I do appreciate your above par attitude and posts Matt, you stand out from the crowd.

[yellowstang]

I'll try to say "Go fuck your Mother" to one less person today.

[line-em-up]

My attitude precisely. I'm the nicest guy that you've ever met, until you get an attitude or start trying to walk on me. Then things change.

x2

[juiceweezl]

My generation learned this long ago in Sunday school as kids. Pretty simple concept that is lost on so many, just like the concept of God. Remember the golden rule.

Matthew 7:12

12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

[David]

Fuck off

[cobrajet69]

That's fair.

There are a lot of people who withhold kindness and respect until they feel the other person has "earned it" though (putting themselves on some bullshit pedestal and which is also generally impossible in a passing situation) and that's the crap that makes it seem like our world is 'every man for himself. '

As I stated on the FB post, I practice this on a daily basis. Occasionally I'll get "challenged" in my intent, and last night at work was one of those times.

Had a black customer come in with his wife (only reason I mention his color is due to recent events). I introduce myself and he barely shakes my hand, doesn't give his name, body language very stiff with no eye contact, and nods to his wife and says "you need to speak with her". I assumed at that point, that he was someone who would rather not work with a white guy.

Well, after an hour or so of holding my mantra - me just being me - he starts to lighten up and converse, asking questions, eye contact etc.. Turns out that he was just a very introverted personality and probably needed some interaction to "break down the wall" a little. He's retired so I'm sure he's probably seen first hand, some less than dignant attitudes from people he's encountered in his life, so maybe this is what builds that wall in the first place. By the time he and his wife left, we were sharing common thoughts on the France tragedy, exchanging likes/dislikes on cars these days and what foods we like to eat out. This with plenty of eye contact and smiles.

So, I guess the point here, and adding to your original post/challenge is "never give up on who you are, as long as you feel in your heart you are giving what you expect!"



David

[Sean88gt]

As much of a prick as I can be, I try to live this way. Like stated, there are things beyond control of the people getting screamed at. I always try to extend grace, I just lose patience when someone is grossly incompetent.

[line-em-up]

My generation learned this long ago in Sunday school as kids. Pretty simple concept that is lost on so many, just like the concept of God. Remember the golden rule.

Matthew 7:12

12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Redd Foxx from Sanford and Son:

Do unto others before they do unto you.

[BLAKE]

Great thread, Matt.

I try to have this approach every chance I can get.

The common petri dish for this is driving anywhere around my office. Nobody knows where they're going, always stop/starting, driving too damn slow... it's infuriating. But the enlightened approach would consider that it's the hospital district. A bunch of these people are really old, or just scared as shit because they're about to have some horrifying procedure done.

I try to remind myself that most people are trying their best, even if their best sucks in that moment.

[Ratt]

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, unless they've previously proven themselves undeserving. Going through life blaming everything on other people, being condescending or thinking you are better than everyone else, or just otherwise being a dick in general, is an exhausting way to live. Life is too short to be miserable all the time.

Great thread, Matt.

I try to have this approach every chance I can get.

The common petri dish for this is driving anywhere around my office. Nobody knows where they're going, always stop/starting, driving too damn slow... it's infuriating. But the enlightened approach would consider that it's the hospital district. A bunch of these people are really old, or just scared as shit because they're about to have some horrifying procedure done.

I try to remind myself that most people are trying their best, even if their best sucks in that moment.

Man, traffic is the one place I have a challenge keeping my composure and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Especially around where I work, here in Addison, people are just straight up ass-holes. It seems like everyone in this area has the "holier-than-thou," "ME FIRST," attitude, and it drives me up the fucking walls. I have to constantly remind myself that it's not worth it to get angry at these people. Also, I have really good auto insurance, so if one of them hits me, I'll be alright.