Corporate America talk

[mstng86]

Does anyone else get the "tired head" symptoms when you hear the corporate talk or try to read it in emails.

Example:

Please be advised that there is a new and amazing Client Delight effort in place for our organization! The mission is to “Provide the best client experience in the industry by enabling integrated functions, globally aligned processes, and locally relevant capabilities”. Eight pillars (including Employee Engagement) have been established to drive for results.

You know that feeling. The "oh here we go" moment or the "what the hell does that even mean" moment.

Is it any better in smaller companies? I understand we want to keep things formal but its a beat down sometimes.

[Baron Von Crowder]

luckily on my level where I am, we dont have any of that. The last place was a small company that the guys loved to go to the big name seminars and bring shit like that back.

[Captain Crawfish]

Smells like bullshit to me

[CexMashean]

I still flip my shit when someone refers to an instant message as a "ping".

"Hey, could you ping Mike and see if he knows what time the meeting is?"

No, no I can't ping Mike.

[Mysticcobrakilla]

Well, the world needs ditch diggers too.

[93LXHORSE]

I think the onus is on the synergistic departments to achieve sustained transparency and project diverse planning strategies in parallel such that when reaching out to our client base, the narrative should be clearly communicated worldwide.

[mstng86]

I think the onus is on the synergistic departments to achieve sustained transparency and project diverse planning strategies in parallel such that when reaching out to our client base, the narrative should be clearly communicated worldwide.

That seems flawed due to the lack of pillars. I don't see any pillars to hold it up.

[svauto-erotic855]

In my only real corporate job we made fun of this kind of thing instead of embracing it. I doubt that I could listen to that type of drivel for any length of time without laughing or becoming violent.

You have my deepest sympathy if you are having to deal with this kind of stuff.

[BLAKE]

On one hand, I get how disingenuous it sounds. On the other, it's not that hard to figure out. Most two or three word buzz phrases are just shorthand for concepts it would take paragraphs or pages to describe.

And if you want to be a little bitch about a word like "ping", get over yourself. It's an efficient way to say it.

Edit: it sounds like I'm defending the synergy-crappola. I'm not. It's definitely over used especially by douche bags that want to sound smart.

[TRAILBLAZER]

Man in charge here has adopted his new buzzword

"Silos"

and by description he is the biggest silo I have seen anywhere

[abecx]

Its easy to grasp the low hanging fruit when you're reaching for the Cloud.

[CexMashean]

And if you want to be a little bitch about a word like "ping", get over yourself. It's an efficient way to say it.

.

Chomp cocks.
It's fucking stupid. Say message. Say email.

[BLAKE]

Chomp cocks.
It's fucking stupid. Say message. Say email.

What if I don't care how you contact them, just do it? It's a nice catch all. I don't see what's so offensive about it.

[Craizie]

Chomp cocks.
It's fucking stupid. Say message. Say email.

I suppose I've miss understood the word " ping " in that context. I've always thought of it more as a ping in sonar. "Craizie, can you ping Magnus about the shut the fuck up project?" I take it to mean see where Magnus is at with the project. it has also been used to see where you were physically located. "Ping that cock tease Magnus, he's been out of pocket all day."

[Baron Von Crowder]

What if I don't care how you contact them, just do it? It's a nice catch all. I don't see what's so offensive about it.

Couldnt you just "reach out" to him?