Best excuse ever?

[Samhain]

I had one of techs at work not show up or call in for three days, I assumed he just quit. On the fourth day he shows up, grabs a cup of coffee and starts work like nothing happened. I've been wanting to shitcan his ass for pulling stunts like this every few months, but he's been able sell our VP on some wild excuse each time it happens.

This time I had the honor of hearing the most ill conceived, blatant lie I have ever heard. This grown man proceeds to explain how he was KIDNAPPED and held for some unknown reason, yet once he was released he didn't call the police. Before I had the opportunity, my boss fired him on the spot.

What's the best excuse you've handed out or been handed?

[Tremor14]

i got one:

we hired a new CAD guy out of houston. we have a CAD dept. in houston but there was some extenuating circumstance where he preferred to work here in our dallas office. well, i guess it took like 3-4 weeks to get him through the hiring process. I saw him doing his little tour around 9 am and they brought him by my department. around 11, i went to the restroom which is near the CAD dept. and i noticed the new guys desk was cleared off. Later that afternoon the CAD director came by and told us this:

Guy comes in, takes the tour, gets his desk set up. Goes upstairs to talk to HR about benefits, policies, etc. The chick in HR says he excused himself to use the restroom. after 20 minutes he calls in and gets transferred to her desk. He then tells her that he didn't know there would be WIFI in the building, and that he is allergic to WIFI, and therefore cannot work for our company, and he was passing downtown on his way back to houston.

The HR chick said all she did was pass the drug policy packet to him, and ask for 3 initials. There was no formal drug test to be taken at that time.

[akfodysvn]

You have a real job? Not just hustlenflow?

[Silverback]

this guy and my roommate told me that his trans am "caught fire" just about a mile from his house, and they walked home. But it was fine when they left it after it lost a T-top on the tollway, then got a call the next morning from the cops saying they found his car burned to the ground.

[Tremor14]

this guy and my roommate told me that his trans am "caught fire" just about a mile from his house, and they walked home. But it was fine when they left it after it lost a T-top on the tollway, then got a call the next morning from the cops saying they found his car burned to the ground.

i've seen that happen a few times.

to the other guy in Kansas, only a dumbass would think that someone of my ilk actually touches toilets, especially anything other than a brand new one.

[Stephen]

this guy and my roommate told me that his trans am "caught fire" just about a mile from his house, and they walked home. But it was fine when they left it after it lost a T-top on the tollway, then got a call the next morning from the cops saying they found his car burned to the ground.

Pro88lx?

[Silverback]

Pro88lx?

nah, Arthur and his black friend

[Stephen]

nah, Arthur and his black friend

Chris always seemed like a nice guy!

[Broncojohnny]

nah, Arthur and his black friend

Well at least Arthur is going places these days....

[Rick Modena]

nah, Arthur and his black friend

It would have been so much better if you would have said Arthur and Nay-Nay.

[lincolnboy]

Co-worker didn't show up for work day 1> grandma passed away
sam co-worker didn't show up for work day 2> grandma came back to life

[93LXHORSE]

Back in '96 I was working for Nortel and they sent me up to Salt Lake City on my first out of town job. I went up there with high hopes and a clear mind and body, but the demon was waiting.

I rented a car at the airport and headed for the hotel but wound up on South Temple or something by the big park where all the dope fiends hang out and there was the dude with a hefty sack and a gleam in his eye.

Before I knew it I was taking rather long lunches to head to the mission district to score. I nodded out in the car, then just kinda came to, driving. I couldn't figure out how to get back to the job site for a while...

When I did get back I explained that the convenience store I had stopped in had been robbed, and we were all held hostage for the better part of an hour, then the police came and took statements from us all.

The savvy field guys I was working with called instant bullshit and laughed at me from then on, asked me if I needed an armed escort, etc... then after a few more episodes of tardiness I wasn't allowed to drive a rental car any more.

[FunFordCobra]

you nub.

[BP]

I had a guy that didn't show up for a couple of days because he went to a Busta Rhymes concert and ended up getting blitzed with him and his crew in their hotel room.

[Stephen]

hurry up svo! chime in with the best story in the thread!