How do you tell your significant other.....

[Wanderer]

.....that you love them but you're not IN love with them anymore?

It makes me sick to my stomach to even write this. I feel like we have slowly grown apart over the years and we are not much more than room mates. There is no intimacy at all. I find myself not sexually attracted to her at all anymore. I don't even try to have sex with her anymore. We have been fighting and arguing over the dumbest shit more and more lately and I sometimes don't even want to go home. I feel like she treats me more like my mom or warden than my wife. "Where are you going, who are you going with, who is going to be there, when are you going to be home......" and on and on. If I want to do something that I feel is important to me, sometimes I will jokingly run it by her just to see what her reaction is and she will typically look at me like I am mentally ill. I am to the point that I am doing the things that I want to do despite what her reaction is because I just don't care what she thinks anymore.

I think I have just been prolonging the inevitable but I don't know how she will react. I am sure she will automatically assume I am having an affair. I have tried so long to make it work for my kid's sake, that I have made myself unhappy over time to the point that I have lost just about all motivation to do anything that I find enjoyable anymore.

I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I mean, I guess I do know what to do, I just don't want to break her heart. I love her because she is the mother of my child after all and I know she loves me but I'm not so sure she is even IN love with me anymore either. The problem with talking to her about this kind of shit is, she clams up when she is upset, mad, emotional, whatever, so she waits until I leave and then sends me a long winded email or text message to tell me how she feels so I feel like I just get ambushed by all of the shit she throws down all at once because she's bottled it all up and just lets it all out at once.

I guess this isn't really even so much asking for advice because I pretty much know what I need to do, but I'm scared. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'll probably just end up deleting this one like I did my last one anyway....

[HECDOGGIE]

counseling..... both of you need to go , together. It helps.

[ELVIS]

sorry to hear it homie. if there is nothing going on outside of the marriage it sounds like it would be salvageable? maybe just grown apart, not making time for each other?

god bless.

[YALE]

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

[46Tbird]

Yep, you guys need an impartial third party to talk this out in front of - a counselor.

I hope you both can figure it out because you'll be happier in the long run if you do. But on the flip side, life is short. No sense being miserable for the rest of your lives.

[Stephen]

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

solid advise...

[CexMashean]

Question:
What profession do each of you work in?

[jakesford]

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

This...

[BLAKE]

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

If quoting good advice will encourage you to take it, here you go.

[Baron Von Crowder]

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

If quoting good advice will encourage you to take it, here you go.

that.

[bcoop]

Yale hit the nail on the head. It may even take seeing a couple different counsellors before you find one you like.


My ex and I attempted counseling, but it was a waste. Things were too far gone. Don't let my experience discourage you. I still highly recommend it. Answers won't happen overnight. I've always said that staying together for the children is the worst reasoning possible for two people who are unhappy in their relationship, but you'll forever regret not making every effort possible later on in life. You two have been married for what, 15ish years? A few months of counseling can only help, even if you both eventually decide it isn't worth keeping together.

[Wanderer]

I do it by fucking their sisters and friends.

Of course you do.....

sorry to hear it homie. if there is nothing going on outside of the marriage it sounds like it would be salvageable? maybe just grown apart, not making time for each other?

god bless.

I have tried sending her flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, etc. randomly to work, to no avail. Of course I get a hug and kiss and a thank you, but that's it. I used to hug her from behind, kiss her neck, grab her ass, all the shit that a loving husband is supposed to do. I think over the years she may have just taken a lot for granted and figured that I wouldn't go anywhere.

I'll second counseling. You may or may not stay together through it, but it will make the choice clear for both of you.

Thanks Yale.

Question:
What profession do each of you work in?

Why do you ask?

[Silverback]

i would first and foremost come to a car message board and seek advice

[Wanderer]

Yale hit the nail on the head. It may even take seeing a couple different counsellors before you find one you like.


My ex and I attempted counseling, but it was a waste. Things were too far gone. Don't let my experience discourage you. I still highly recommend it. Answers won't happen overnight. I've always said that staying together for the children is the worst reasoning possible for two people who are unhappy in their relationship, but you'll forever regret not making every effort possible later on in life. You two have been married for what, 15ish years? A few months of counseling can only help, even if you both eventually decide it isn't worth keeping together.

Yeah, we've been together a long time. Thanks Brent.

i would first and foremost come to a car message board and seek advice

Someone had to say it. Thanks for not letting me down, Matt.

[mustang_revival]

Do the "love dare" book and see if things change. Don't tell her about it. After 30 days if she's still cray go to counceling or from there.