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Bad Molly Takes Colorado State Student On Insane, Masturbatory Rampage

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  • Bad Molly Takes Colorado State Student On Insane, Masturbatory Rampage



    We've heard of poppin' some molly and sweatin', but not popping molly, snorting some coke, having a seizure, car-jacking the ambulance that was sent to help you, careening every which way through traffic, and then jerking off in the police station. That'd probably make for a better song, though.

    The above scenario was just a night out for Colorado State student Stefan Sortland. Sortland took the above-mentioned drugs before heading off to a Halloween party. The effects were apparently too much for his system, so he fell into a seizure. Someone called for help.

    At some point soon after, Sortland came to, saw an empty ambulance, and thought, Shit, time for some joy riding! According to police reports acquired by Denver's ABC 7, police tracked the vehicle and found it in bad shape:

    Loveland police officers said they found the ambulance in the middle of Highway 34 with several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking.

    One officer said it appeared the driver of the ambulance had hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.

    Officers said they found 18-year-old Stefan Sortland standing about 30 yards from the stopped ambulance wearing an EMT vest. Officers shot him with a stun gun when he refused their commands. Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.
    After eventually subduing the 18-year-old, the cops took him back to the station, where more hijinks ensued:

    Sortland was taken to the Loveland Police Department.

    There he "stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated," according to the police report.

    Police said during his interview with officers, Sortland made a reference that his "friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide."
    Somebody find that kid a better dealer. That was some bad molly.



  • #2
    Damn! Sounds like the next Hangover movie plot.

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    • #3
      lol. That does sound like a bad trip from the outside, but I bet it was amazing in his head.

      Comment


      • #4
        Wasn't any molly in my shower last night...

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        • #5
          I think we've all been there a time or two
          http://www.truthcontest.com/entries/...iversal-truth/

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          • #6
            Sounds like my usual Thursday night

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            • #7
              Originally posted by krazy kris View Post
              Sounds like my usual Thursday night
              I thought you quit this site?

              Originally posted by krazy kris View Post
              So whats your problem. You have banned me 2 times for saying nigger, but anyone else says it and its okay. I honestly have never heard anyone call a nigger chaser anything else. Fuck you in your fat greasy beaner bet welching pappapecker acting ass.I understand your a Tony Homo rope sucker, but damn. I am through with this site and this ass clown.

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              • #8
                Ehh I get bored every now and then.

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                • #9
                  Stefan...

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                  • #10
                    Lightweight.
                    Originally posted by talisman
                    I wonder if there will be a new character that specializes in bjj and passive agressive comebacks?
                    Originally posted by AdamLX
                    If there was, I wouldn't pick it because it would probably just keep leaving the game and then coming back like nothing happened.
                    Originally posted by Broncojohnny
                    Because fuck you, that's why
                    Originally posted by 80coupe
                    nice dick, Idrivea4banger
                    Originally posted by Rick Modena
                    ......and idrivea4banger is a real person.
                    Originally posted by Jester
                    Man ive always wanted to smoke a bowl with you. Just seem like a cool cat.

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                    • #11
                      This shit cracked me up
                      "Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him"
                      DE OPPRESSO LIBER

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                      • #12
                        Molly was a good girl, and she knew the reasons why, so when she went back in the bathroom she would never come outside. She was a good girl, and it felt great to be a liar.

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                        • #13
                          Wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?
                          Originally posted by Broncojohnny
                          HOORAY ME and FUCK YOU!

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                          • #14
                            Sounds like he needs to party with these guys.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ratt View Post
                              Molly was a good girl, and she knew the reasons why, so when she went back in the bathroom she would never come outside. She was a good girl, and it felt great to be a liar.
                              I knew i recognized those lyrics.

                              Comment

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