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Has anyone in here ever adopted or considered adopting a child? The wife and I feel really blessed and think we would have a lot to offer a child who has very little. We have 2 girls already but are not sure what we may be missing when making our decision. Any input would be great.
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Thehead and Kimmypie is in the process in finalizing there adoption and Sgt Bevis went through it as well. -
My boss has adopted 2. They are from the same birth parents too.
And, he wins the crazy birth name award, hands down.
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Feel free to hit me up on PM with any questions....
I sold my old Mustang so I could get a loan to pay for the adoption. As you can see, totally worth it...
BTW, there should still be tax credits for adopting. A lot of the time it covers a large amount of the costs...
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The thing that bothers me about adoption is it seems like when adopted kids get old enough they always seem to want to find their "real parents". I've always found that insulting to the parents who truely raised the kid.Comment
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That is a deep seated want that virtually every adopted child is going to have. It is not something you should feel betrayed by or concerned they will turn away. Just because they want to know, doesn't mean they love you any less. It has nothing to do with loyalty. I think you probably have a lot of the traditional ideas about closed adoption that are becoming less popular. There is a lot to learn and consider. You will find there are a lot of myths people believe. Ask away.Originally posted by War Machine View Post
Our daughter was an open adoption. We talk to her birth mom almost daily. She truly is like family and it is not intrusive in any way. We are very thankful for this and it.
Our son was through the state and was semi-open in that we knew of the birth parents through the court records. We chose on our own to make contact with the mother's side after 4 years. We are very glad we did. It really helped our son cope with some things he was struggling with and answered some of his questions. We don't have as close of a relationship, but it is there.Comment
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Most US adoptions these days are open adoptions where the birth mother picks the adoptive parents and the child usually knows their birth mother. Our son obviously can't figure that out for himself yet but we've got a plan laid out to guide him to eventually ask those kinds of questions. We also have regular visits with our birth mother. All in all it has been a great experience.Originally posted by War Machine View Post
Yes, children from closed adoptions do want to find their birth parents at times. Can you really blame them? They have questions and they want answers. They want to know where they come from, why they were put up for adoption, where they come from, etc., etc. You may find it insulting to the adoptive parents but I've found that quite a few of those parents aren't really bothered by it. In most cases that kid still considers them their real parents and things continue on after getting through the emotional mess. A married couple, that are close friends of ours, were both adopted. One open, the other closed. Both have great relationships with their adoptive families. However the one with the closed adoption had to go throw an emotional roller coaster that almost had him eating a bullet.
Close adoptions are highly flawed. It forces adoptive parents into a situation where they feel that they have to lie to their kid. No parent should have to do that. When the truth does come out it can lead to feelings of betrayal. My wife and I are close friends with a married couple in which each of them were adopted. One through open adoption, the other closed. Both have great relationships with their adoptive families. However the one with the closed adoption had to go throw an emotional roller coaster that almost had him eating a bullet. The one with the open adoption told us that she had some initial struggles when she realized (at a rather young age) that she was adopted. However it pass rather quickly and life went on. In both cases the adoptive parents were good people doing their best to raise their kids.Comment
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What are some of the websites or organizations you have used to do adoptions or ones you would recommend?
Why is it so expensive? I always thought the overseas ones would be due to travel but don't understand what would be so expensive about a child who is from the United States?
Lastly, did you find a lot of the kids are removals from the home due to traumatic events or abuse? Is that disclosed so we know if they were simply put up for adoption or have some history that we can help or be aware of?Comment
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Beavis u would have fooled me. That kid resembles u and ur wife.Comment
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Originally posted by houstondallas View Post
Don't let the cost scare you away. There are grants and 0% loans and tax incentives to help. Also at least with Buckner, the cost was on a sliding scale depending on your income. My employer's benefits reimbursed some and the tax incentives spread out over 3 years ended up I don't think we spent even a tenth of the original amount out of pocket.
Some adoptions are nothing to do with being taken away from the parents or being given up because they just don't want them. There are a myriad of circumstances. Our daughter's birthmother was 36, in a serious relationship when she got pregnant. They broke up and she was basically homeless. Due to poor decision in the past, she had surrendered her other children years earlier to a relative so the state was not going to let her keep this one. She knew she wanted to choose who her daughter was placed with. We had gone through Buckner Maternity Services and we had a profile in a book along with all the other prospective couples. She chose to meet us. We hit it off in the first meeting and we just fit. We got our daughter at 5 days old. She is now 8. Her birthmom has visited with us many times. She even spent a couple of weeks with us. We have even met and had the birthfather over for visits before. Its about as ideal of an open adoption as there ever was one.
Our son was born to two dumb 16 year olds. Mom tested positive to marijuana when she gave birth and he was placed in foster care at 3 days old. The judge put forth stipulations on the couple in order to gain custody. Things like attend school, maintain a C average, get jobs. They didn't do anything and wouldn't even show up for court. No one on either side of the family was eligible or pursued to adopt him so their rights were relinquished by a judge and he became a ward of the state. We worked with a social worker who helped match us. We brought him home at 18mo. (His original judge was even the judge that finalized the adoption. The judge about had a tear in his eye telling us how he had watched the boy's case from the beginning and was very pleased to see things turn out as they did.) He has been with us about 5 years now. We still talk to his foster mom on the phone about every couple of months since he was in her care for so long.
My wife kinda cyber-stalked his birthmom on FB for a couple of years. We could tell she had grown up, married, another son, and became an adult. We cautiously made contact with her side of the family and since got to meet them (they live several hours away). It really brought closure to my son who was really struggling even at his young age to understand where he came from and why. We keep contact through his own private FB page and phone calls. They don't know our last name or where we live, though I don't really have any fears sharing that now.
Kids end up in the foster system for various reasons. Death of parent(s), decline of mental/physical/financial stability of parent(s), no financial or safe means to care for a child, abuse, neglect, etc.
If you decide the route of straight adoption, it is a different education since it is by choice of the parent.
If you decide on adoption through the foster care system, you are required to take P.R.I.D.E. classes for a few weeks so you know what you are getting into before you commit to anything. You are required to take the same classed whether you only want to foster, foster-to-adopt, or straight adopt through the state.
My wife and I are open to meet with anyone who just want to talk more. Our daughter's birthmother is also open to speak to anyone too telling it from her side.Last edited by Frank; 08-18-2014, 07:32 AM.Comment
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I can echo many of Frank's comments. I got about $12K in adoption tax credits. I think the entire deal cost me roughly $5K above that. Do yourself a favor and talk to a tax accountant before you proceed. I thought I had to wait until the adoption was done before I could claim the credit. That was not the case. I gave our agency $10K to get the ball rolling and it took two years before we found Carpenter. I could have claimed that $10K the year after I had paid it.
We used Independent Adoption Center (IAC). They have been huge champions for Open Adoption. They do a pretty good job of helping you market yourself to birth moms. They also give all sorts of training classes. After the adoption they provide counseling services to the birth moms. If the birth mom has no insurance, (and most don't) they help get them setup on medicaid. We didn't spend a dime for our birth mom's pregnancy.
Dude, I get that all the time from people. It still blows my mind. We were 100% ready to adopt any kid brought to us. We had changed our adoption preferences to include all races and we were OK with pretty much any physical or mental issues. Then BOOM, we get the perfect kid.Originally posted by Tannerm View PostComment
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Its crazy ain't it? My daughter and son look so much alike. We did not specify features we wanted them to look like or race, it just happened that way. People are amazed when they find out both of them are adopted and astounded when they learn they are not even blood siblings.Originally posted by Sgt Beavis View PostComment
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Man, you're crazy.. A Mustang with $5k would still beat your kid!!Originally posted by Sgt Beavis View Post
Looks slow!
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