To tell or not to tell – terminal illness

[built2layframe]

Most know I have a terminally ill parent. He has always had a Type A personality and a self made man, illness has slowed him down but he is still a spit fire. The family has been made aware the meds to prevent the aggressive cancer could be more harmful than waiting it out, longevity speaking. He has developed a blood disorder that makes him an extreme case and further treatments could just speed up an already fast ass train.

One side believes having him focus on a long term future is best while the other side believes they should gently be told it could be a shorter time frame.

Which side would you stand?

I realize no one can walk a mile in these shoes but some might have some experience with it.

[sc281]

Tough choice. I'd present both options and have him decide what to say.


If I were in that spot, I'd like to live what little time I had left out of a hospital bed / drug regiment.

[Baron Von Crowder]

if I am terminal, I intend to spend my time living, rather than trying to live less of a life longer.

I had this discussion with my grandmother, she was terminal, living less and less of a life while on chemo and radiation. She was ready to get off the treatments, and everyone was pushing for her to keep going. She started the treatments in great spirits, and never complained until she couldnt do for herself anymore due to being weak.

Beware, Im pretty sure my family holds it against me that I supported her decision to stop treatments. I get to be that guy because I was never extreamly close to them, so I dont give two shits that they were being selfish with the whole deal.

Do what you will, but dont regret it later.

[Leah]

That's a tough choice, guys. I know I, personally, would want to know the truth. If I thought I had more time, I would be afraid I would feel sorry for myself and not push myself to do things I want to do before I die.

[Sleeper]

My grandmother was gave 6 months and lasted 2 weeks.

She passed in her house. Happy.

If your over 70 fighting cancer just is not worth it imho. It usually causes more harm than good. They all start off with good spirits until they are asking for you to kill them.

[davbrucas]

Whatever the decision, let him make it. Dying with dignity is better than living but not.

[Sean88gt]

Go out with a bang instead of dragging on like a drain.

I saw my grandfather go through the process of extending his life/misery based on the doctors false hopes. He withered away until the point he was constantly drugged up and in a state of daze for his final months. This was a man that spend over 2 years in a POW camp in WWII, build several business and saw decent wealth with a 6th grade education.

Let him decide though.

[MutherjuggZ]

I find that most people tend to do much better in any given situation when they're better prepared mentally. Are you more afraid of how HE will take the news or equally afraid of how you will feel finally telling him? Don't let the fear of reactions keep you from letting him know how few and precious his time really is. Everyday that passes him by unaware, is time lost that he can't get back. Another day of coherent thinking wasted on all the BS that's been brought to his door as of late....instead of utilizing that time and energy on telling those people to fuck off and spending the rest of his days surrounded by family and love. REAL family and love.

Just food for thought

Love ya Rhonda!

[krazy kris]

like previously stated let him decide

My grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year and a half ago, he was 67. He decided to fight it, the chemo was just unbearable for him and 6 months later he had a heart attack and died 3 days later in the hospital. The Cancer was gone. The last 6 months of that mans life sucked the most

Sometimes its just your time
and I'm very sorry to hear about your terminal ill parent

[MutherjuggZ]

like previously stated let him decide

My grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year and a half ago, he was 67. He decided to fight it, the chemo was just unbearable for him and 6 months later he had a heart attack and died 3 days later in the hospital. The Cancer was gone. The last 6 months of that mans life sucked the most

Sometimes its just your time
and I'm very sorry to hear about your terminal ill parent

I think the question isn't if he should do treatment or not.

He doesn't even KNOW what little time he has left. They're asking to see if you would tell someone their days are limited, or let them think they have longer in hopes that their morale and mind set pulls them farther along than it might have if they did know.

[LS1Goat]

Most know I have a terminally ill parent. He has always had a Type A personality and a self made man, illness has slowed him down but he is still a spit fire. The family has been made aware the meds to prevent the aggressive cancer could be more harmful than waiting it out, longevity speaking. He has developed a blood disorder that makes him an extreme case and further treatments could just speed up an already fast ass train.

One side believes having him focus on a long term future is best while the other side believes they should gently be told it could be a shorter time frame.

Which side would you stand?

I realize no one can walk a mile in these shoes but some might have some experience with it.

I know it's difficult, but you need to think in these terms. Will your decision be based on selfishness/denial or is it in HIS best interest? Sit down and really think about it. The correct answer to that question may be unsettling for some. It boils down to ethics. And there will be shades of gray on an issue most people want to be just black and white. Your conscious might take a beating if you withhold the truth from this man and he suffers more as a result.

P.s. - Someone speaking from experience on the topic of Cancer. And when I said the "correct" answer might be unsettling, that is suggestive that I am telling you how you should respond to this ordeal. Not so. What it really stems from is the first thing I learned in Medical Ethics class in Paramedic school. Veracity is paramount.

- Tim

[gearhead78]

I have know 3 people with serious cancer, watched all three fight like crazy in miserable conditions and all three still lost the battle. After what I have seen I would rather live what natrual life I have left and help my wife and family prepare.

[ceyko]

Why does he not know all this already? Did I miss something?

[David]

Why does he not know all this already? Did I miss something?

This.

Dont doctors usually discuss this with their patients?

[davbrucas]

...I learned in Medical Ethics class in Paramedic school....

- Tim

Do you ever discuss medical issues without referring to your extensive medical background or paramedic training? Good grief.