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"Does he look like a b!tch?"

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  • "Does he look like a b!tch?"

    I haven't told a story in awhile. Might as well.

    It was a gorgeous winter night in early 2005. Saturday nights, for a brief space of time, a large group of us would invade Pappas Pizza and all but take over the right side of the restaurant for some ill advised karaoke action.

    In the early 2000’s I was an Eninem aficionado and could rock several of his songs using only my cavernous memory, and without any help from the teleprompter. Big Matt and I set up to do The Real Slim Shady, with him filling in the chorus so that I could grab a breath between the fast paced 3 verses.

    On this particular eve, a lot of the old schoolers were in attendance, as well as the royal family and friends from TSP; the sites being almost interchangeable in those days with drama spilling from one to the other and vice versa on a regular basis.

    There was this blond girl named Brittany (not of the Brit420 notoriety) that posted as Bdawg on TSP that had grown fame from her stellar beer chugging skills that could emasculate most men in the 2 seconds it took her to empty a punctured can of frosty beverage. Rodney (NayNay) had been hitting on her all night to her overtly obvious annoyance, and as I recovered from the second verse and Matt finished the chorus so I could wail out the third, some sort of altercation ensued.

    I was watching with bemusement, still belting out the lyrics without missing a beat, when Matt put Rodney in a full nelson a few feet away from me. I walked over to see the show, looked at Rodney’s face while his arms were flailing about over his head uselessly, and without stopping the rap, shrugged my shoulders and turned around as Matt dragged him to the front door and tossed his ass out of it like a rag doll.

    I had a big grin on my face (it was so ordinary to see him get his ass dealt with at that point it had become a blase running joke), and Carrie and Michelle were having quite a laugh about the whole thing as I came to the end of verse 3. Matt came running from the front door and grabbed the mic to finish up the last chorus right as it hit, and we finished to the mild cheers that you can expect from even a stellar karaoke performance.

    The whole thing always struck me as being very cinematic the way it went down, (soundtrack and all!) but I never really had much of a reason to say anything about it. That was the last time I saw Rodney, and the last image in my head of him is Matt having him completely helpless, his arms up in the air, hands flopping around like some sort of 60’s Monster Mash dance routine, fear and confusion all over his face. For some reason, I keep seeing that face while he is the midst of pretending to be ten feet tall lately.

    Just thought I'd share.

  • #2
    Excellent read, my good man.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by talisman View Post
      There was this blond girl named Brittany
      I had a lot of fun with those titties. I wonder what she's up to these days.
      Originally posted by BradM
      But, just like condoms and women's rights, I don't believe in them.
      Originally posted by Leah
      In other news: Brent's meat melts in your mouth.

      Comment


      • #4
        Poor little Naynay.

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        • #5
          Good read, would read again

          Comment


          • #6
            are you telling me that someone that is trying soooo hard to prove how much of a badass they are via the internet in fact ISN'T? kinda like frieghtrain trying to impres........ahhhhhhhhhnevermind.

            god bless.
            It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men -Frederick Douglass

            Comment


            • #7
              Matt was just taking the trash out.

              Comment


              • #8
                I lol'd. Would love to have seen it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by bcoop View Post
                  I had a lot of fun with those titties. I wonder what she's up to these days.


                  I would expect no less from an upstanding gentleman such as yourself.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by talisman View Post
                    I would expect no less from an upstanding gentleman such as yourself.
                    I'm just a team player.
                    Originally posted by BradM
                    But, just like condoms and women's rights, I don't believe in them.
                    Originally posted by Leah
                    In other news: Brent's meat melts in your mouth.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      last time you saw me was at back 9 for matts going away party, and last time i was at back 9 for the osirus thing you apparently had already been escorted out for being too drunk..

                      dont lie.

                      in fact the last time i saw you, you were sitting alone like your wife had just left you and took the dog. oh wait that did happen, lol.
                      THE BAD HOMBRE

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        What caused the altercation?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by bcoop View Post
                          I'm just a team player.

                          Team, eh? Sounds like a TSP party alright!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by bcoop View Post
                            I'm just a player.
                            ftfy

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by naynay View Post
                              last time you saw me was at back 9 for matts going away party, and last time i was at back 9 for the osirus thing you apparently had already been escorted out for being too drunk..

                              dont lie.

                              in fact the last time i saw you, you were sitting alone like your wife had just left you and took the dog. oh wait that did happen, lol.

                              Guess the hilarity of the karaoke night is what made an impression. Funny how they last, isn't it?

                              Comment

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