Legacy

[Rreemo]

You've definitely been in the hooch. Anyways, where to begin? You say not having kids is fucking awesome. I've been on that side and yeah, it was awesome, but no where near as awesome as it is now. There is indeed a ton of cool shit to do in the world and I had 33 years to do whatever I wanted before having children. Its not like that stops forever when you have kids. Priorities just change a bit for a few years until they are old enough for you to pick it back up and start doing all that cool shit with them and seeing the world through their eyes. It's so much cooler now and there is so much to do and share, the possibilities are endless and the life experience and the memories are priceless.

There are positives every single day. Even more so for those of us that are true "parents" and you know who you are when you read this sentence. There are rewards every day in raising another human being to be an honest, genuine, loving, intelligent, proud, respectful individual. Every day is special.

You know as well as anyone that I don't get out and do a whole lot on my own. That's by choice. It's nothing against my friends or anything like that. I like hanging out from time to time, but I love being with my son. I want to spend as much time with him as possible.

I'll agree that society isn't exactly roses, and I wish some things were different. My job is to raise my children to be above the bullshit in the world and to teach them to make the most of and treasure their time on this earth.

Kids aren't for everyone and there's no guarantee that decides if you're a kid person or not. I will say that there are too many people out there that are having kids that are not parent material, resulting in some of the fucked up things you don't like about society. Real parents seem to becoming fewer and further between and we need as many good people on our side as possible.

You're an intelligent person and would have a lot to offer a child if that ever came to be. Ultimately, it's for you to figure out which path to take. Either way, both will be pretty fucking cool.

Damned good post, Jimmy!

Eric asked a very valid question with this thread.

I will say now looking back, in my situation I actually don't think it was so much about "having a child", but more-so about us and our relationship, and about taking that whole thing to a different level. Spending a good portion of your life with someone because you really love each other will make decisions (like whether or not to start a family) a lot clearer....and often times more meaningful. We've been together a long time...since highschool. After seeing fucked up crap with our parents and also many friends who screwed their lives up getting married and/or pregnant too soon, we both made a sort of pact that we would wait....to get married, and also to make any decisions about kids...at least until after college. We both finished school and got into our careers. Had a lot of good times with a lot of good friends, and didn't get married until later on (gave us time to get through some up's & downs that all long relationships will experience at some point). We were also married for some time before choosing to be parents...it was good that way...we had time to experience things, to party, to travel, to spend money like it didn't matter....to enjoy each other. By the time the pregnancy came-to-be we had been through so much together that we both knew it was right...not just right that each of us was going to be a parent, but right that we were doing this together...experiencing yet something else unique on this journey.....sort of like icing on the cake by then.

As crazy as it seems, I guess what I'm saying is that having kids may not always be about "having kids"...it may just be a part of something much bigger.

[SSMAN]

When I was in my 20's, there was no way I wanted a kid. Wasn't sure I wanted kids when we planned on trying. I totally understand not wanting them. They can be a pain in the ass and an expensive pain in the ass.

When my son was born, I loved him because I knew I was suppose to. Other than that he was just a little foreigner that could not speak english, shit himself and cost me a lot of money. I seriously questioned why I got myself into this mess. Still not sure of the answer of why I did go a head and try it. Bored with life? Who knows? I am a pretty selfish person with my time. What if I suck as a parent?

But let me tell you, you think you love your Mom, Dad, your wife? For me, all that is little shit now. My son is my world now. Even at 14 and knowing he will hit that part of life that he may despise me, I am still cool with it. Walking in a store and see a hot chick and he says "dibs". LOL, makes me proud. I would lay down my life for him in a second.

You will never get it, unless you do it. But if you decide not to, that is fine too. You won't miss what you don't have. I don't think someone with kids could ever explain truly how it feels to have kids to someone who does not. Unless you take the journey, they knowledge just will not be there for you.

[jluv]

I understand and agree with some of the ways you feel, Eric. I don't want to lose my freedom, time, and extra cash. I don't really want the extra responsibility and liability.

But then I think about how much I love my dogs. They are extremely important to me, and I'd do anything for them. I figure having kids must be like that, but even more so. And they typically live a lot longer.

At least I hope it's that cool.

[bcoop]

I fucking love my kids. No but. My kids are pretty fucking awesome. Smart, good looking, well behaved, athletic, and both of them are in to the same stuff I am. Y'all know my oldest wasn't born in to an optimal situation, and he's had a damned rough life. But he's an awesome person. And somehow, I did that. I knew nothing about raising a kid. I really knew nothing about loving another person. At this point in my life, he's taught me far more than I've taught him.

My daughter, is just fucking awesome. She's calmed me down quite a bit, among other things. She's incredibly smart, beautiful like her mother, and doesn't take shit off of anyone, loves the same music I do, and is the biggest tomboy ever. She rides dirtbikes and 4 wheelers, plays t ball, and beats up on her boy cousins.


I have no regrets at all. Sure, it would be nice to travel more and have no responsibilities. Sure, the hefty sum I pay in child support would be nice to have in my own account. But it scares me to think of where I would be in life without my children.

[Roscoe]

I hope that when my kids are grown adults and out of the house that they have the same relationship with me that I do with my dad. He's my best friend and we have a great relationship.

I have a 20yr old son, who was 3 when I met his mother and really started raising him, so he is my son. I have a 6 year old daughter who is absolutely the joy of my life. A shit day, and all I have to do is go pick her up from school and all of that goes away.

My sister is 38 and thought she never wanted kids up until a few years ago. It's actually a shame that she is going to miss out on (what I think is) one of the best things in life. It may not be their childhood you'll miss, but you will around the holidays when you're 50+ and alone.

Just my opinion, and I wished I had another near my daughter's age, but I'm done...

[Roscoe]

Took me a bit to find this, but read this article a month or so ago and thought it was pretty relevant.

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130204172115-15077789-3-amazing-life-lessons-from-a-chance-encounter

[SS Junk]

I am starting to have more detailed discussions with my oldest. To me, it's fascinating to observe his thinking process, how he formulates questions and how he reacts with certain subjects. I am sometimes in awe asking my wife if we really made this kid. To me, that is worth all the trouble in the world to have kids. I didn't want them either. I figured I'd be a horrible parent because I was extremely self-absorbed. As the kids were really young I was "meh," but now that they are older I can relate with them much more. They are becoming my pals.

[Treybiz]

I never wanted kids until we had one.

I'm not going to tell you I had an instant connection like his mom does. I loved him from the first second but struggled with the "it's a money drain that shits and cries" off an on due to a selfish existence for the 29 years prior. But that quickly changed, I love my little dude more than anything. Seeming him at the end of the day makes all the petty day to day shit worth it. I don't however judge people that don't want to have kids. There are too many people already breeding in the world that really shouldn't be.

[ELVIS]

please kill off that fucking hairline.

god bless.

[Scott Mc]

The past year of my life has been a mindfuck. I went from married for 5 years without kids to actually just this week having a girlfriend and her two boys living with me.

My ex wife and I could not have children and that is one of the things that I attribute to our separation. I have always been on the fence about children and we were never "trying" but things happened. Then they unhappened, it is what it is.

Back to the point, my current situation is something I never asked for but am honored to be able to have the chance to do right with my life lessons. My girlfriend and her boys suffered horrible losses last year and I can't fully explain why or how, but I have been drawn towards them. Call it what you will, it might be instinct, or morals of doing the right thing. It has had rewards to me of satisfaction of trying to do the right thing in a bad situation. It has really been a trip that something I see as so simple to me, is life changing to children. It has really made me reflect on my childhood and the lessons my father taught me. On my perspective I really like skipping all the baby stuff, but I have never liked babies. I guess you could say being a parental figure adds to my "purpose" currently in our lovely little screwed up world. Re ask me this question in 6 months and you may get a totally different reply.

[Barbie]

Read the whole thread, still don't want a kid

[Buick355]

I wouldn't trade the most epic bachelor's life ever with unlimited super model sex, Bruce Wayne life style, etc for my daughter.

[Tyrone Biggums]

Took me a bit to find this, but read this article a month or so ago and thought it was pretty relevant.

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/a...ance-encounter

Good article.

[46Tbird]

Kids are awesome at around 3-8 years old, then those little bastards grow up to turn 13. Fuck that!!

Really, kids are awesome. But at my core I'm a selfish piece of shit so I don't want to instill that into anyone else.

3) Danny is one of the smartest people you know - I'm sorry.

It's pretty pathetic, isn't it?

[Sean88gt]

I'll be 48 when our last graduates. Woot, woot!

Your last kid graduated 8 years ago......