Anyone know what the hell kind of bug this is?

[Randy]

And before I posted this question I did a ton of searching for Texas rat snakes and found nothing and then I even tried putting a Dr Pepper can next to it for size reference but the fucker kept flying away. I don't know what they are I just noticed them hanging around my back patio window in the kitchen and around the patio door. Any help would be appreciated.

[Geor!]

They're obstetric beetles.

[UserX]

Looks slow.

[BradM]

Don't let them crawl in your pee hole.

[Mysticcobrakilla]

Argentinian death flys

[DallasSleeper]

I can't tell, are the ears cropped?

[Unicorn Jeff]

Don't let them crawl in your pee hole.

That would suck!

[Mysticcobrakilla]

That would suck!

It's not that bad.

[talisman]

That would suck!

But jerking off to get them back out wouldn't be so bad!

[Unicorn Jeff]

Imagine a bug crawling up and down dick. That would feel weird.

[talisman]

Imagine a bug crawling up and down dick. That would feel weird.

Sicko.

[Randy]

But jerking off to get them back out wouldn't be so bad!

how bout doing this while singing the itsy bitsy spider song....

[UserX]

how bout doing this while singing the itsy bitsy spider song....

Sicko.

[jw33]

Looks like a large female African Scabies mite that just laid eggs. Good luck.

[onemeangixxer7502]

texas rat snake