Professional Mourners

[Forever_frost]

I want some sort of theatrics at my funeral. I don't actually plan on being IN the casket (pretty sure I'll get to volunteer to ride a nuke into the heart of Mecca before then) so it'll be a formality. I'm thinking professional mourners, an open bar at the service and maybe some strippers. I want theater, comedy, nothing serious. I've lived a life I'm proud of and if I get to go out in a manner I want, so much the better.

This is pretty neat:

"A group of lively entrepreneurs have decided to cash in on people's hectic schedule this Qingming Festival by offering to mourn on your behalf for less than one hour for 3,000 yuan ($475) a time, enorth.com.cn reported Thursday.

An advertisement posted on a wall in Tianjin offers to carry out sacrificial offerings, burn joss sticks and even cry on your behalf at the graveside of your relatives for the rate for 30 to 45 minutes." http://shanghaiist.com/2012/03/29/to...ng_etc_etc.php

[Kimmypie]

There have been professional mourners since Biblical times & likely prior to. Still seems weird in modern, Western civilization.

[Chas_svo]

Frost, if you ride a nuke into Mecca, you're covered. Draw up every detail you want, then post it here. It will be done.

F' that cult!

[Forever_frost]

Frost, if you ride a nuke into Mecca, you're covered. Draw up every detail you want, then post it here. It will be done.

F' that cult!

Now this is what I want to hear. Give me a low altitude air drop with the biggest nuke the US has and put me a chair on top. I'll ride that bitch to the ground while calling them out on a built in PA. "I regret I have but one life to give in service to my country."

[Treasure Chest]

I'll do it. For a nice bonus, I'll even say that you were the best cock I've ever had as they lower your casket into the ground. I will need hazard rider, in event the wife tries taking a swing at me.

[Forever_frost]

I'll do it. For a nice bonus, I'll even say that you were the best cock I've ever had as they lower your casket into the ground. I will need hazard rider, in event the wife tries taking a swing at me.

Done. I'll write it in as a condition of my life insurance policy. And I would like you to wax poetic about the cock as well. There's a bonus of 25% of your fee if you hit 1,000 words.

[BradM]

I'm going to show up and talk about your loose butt hole for free.

[Forever_frost]

I'm going to show up and talk about your loose butt hole for free.

That's fine. As I said, I won't be in the box so there's room.

[Treasure Chest]

Done. I'll write it in as a condition of my life insurance policy. And I would like you to wax poetic about the cock as well. There's a bonus of 25% of your fee if you hit 1,000 words.

Easy peasy. I'm rather wordy, if you haven't noticed. What sort of bonus do I get for the funeral director preventing me from throwing myself into your grave?

[Forever_frost]

Easy peasy. I'm rather wordy, if you haven't noticed. What sort of bonus do I get for the funeral director preventing me from throwing myself into your grave?

I'm going to say that depends. How insistent are you that you be buried with my casket? If they have to cuff you to a door to keep you from doing it, I'm thinking a very nice bonus.

[Treasure Chest]

I'm going to say that depends. How insistent are you that you be buried with my casket? If they have to cuff you to a door to keep you from doing it, I'm thinking a very nice bonus.

Oh, I can totally swing that. Let's put a figure to that one, so I know how insistent I'll need to be.

[Forever_frost]

This could be fun.

[Baba Ganoush]

How about a couple of obnoxious howling dogs for when the crying and whaling start?

[Damnittsteve]

[svauto-erotic855]

You do something fucked up that leads to your death that makes the news and that I like and I will empty out a strip club and feed 10 whores a ton x. It will be like "A Weekend at Bernie's" with what remains of you getting dirty lap dances.

Have you got something specific in mind? Hope that your wife doesn't attend the service cause it could get ugly.