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Eh, after the BS of the last 2 days, I thought this would be a good vent:
Al-Qaeda Goes On Strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al-Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this July from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut is the chr
onic shortage of virgins available in the afterlife.
The UK branch of the suicide bombers' union, British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded that this cut in terms and conditions was totally unacceptable and the members immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. I don't like cutting remuneration, but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up..."
Spokespersons for the union in Eaglescliffe, Nunthorpe, Thornbury, Stokesley, Guisborough and Montrose stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway...
The recent drop in the number of suicide bombings in Great Britain has been blamed on the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to Paradise
Al-Qaeda Goes On Strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al-Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this July from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut is the chr
onic shortage of virgins available in the afterlife.
The UK branch of the suicide bombers' union, British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded that this cut in terms and conditions was totally unacceptable and the members immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. I don't like cutting remuneration, but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up..."
Spokespersons for the union in Eaglescliffe, Nunthorpe, Thornbury, Stokesley, Guisborough and Montrose stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway...
The recent drop in the number of suicide bombings in Great Britain has been blamed on the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to Paradise
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