You know why divorce is so expensive?

[Treasure Chest]

Some men you just cant reach...

All chicks are cool when you first meet them. No doubt this new one will be a "stupid bitch" before long.

Hey, they may be the right brand of crazy and codependent to work for life.

[fitzwell]

Levi, I wish you nothing but the best man. But frankly, getting engaged less than a week after wrapping up a long and painful divorce seems like an extremely bad idea. I know you're happy and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Good luck to you and your new family man!

This. Hoping it all does work out, and i'm betting it will. As long as you don't set the farm on fire. She HAS seen that side of you, i'm assuming.

Good luck my brother.

[Jester]

Hey, they may be the right brand of crazy and codependent to work for life.

I love how these days we designate two people that are happy with each other as "codependent."

So what is the time frame of being single to being in a relationship that makes you no longer codependent?

What I am starting to see a trend in is people that are alone and cover themselves in a fake mask of happiness and try and convince others around them that they are happy with being single. Seriously? You are happy not sharing time with someone that you share all of your experiences with?

Why?

No thanks. even though my divorce sucked and a lot of my marriage sucked, I am thankful for every single day of it. I grew as much on the good days as the bad days and learned from every day.

I will take the good with the bad every day over coming home alone and telling everyone how "awesome" it is.

[Jester]

This. Hoping it all does work out, and i'm betting it will. As long as you don't set the farm on fire. She HAS seen that side of you, i'm assuming.

Good luck my brother.

I have a burn pit in the pasture that sees fire every week. Garbage? FIRE!!! old hay? FIRE!!!!! anything I have no idea what to do with? FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[talisman]

I love how these days we designate two people that are happy with each other as "codependent."

So what is the time frame of being single to being in a relationship that makes you no longer codependent?

You are TEXTBOOK codependent. It doesn't have anything to do with "being happy with each other" so don't even try and say otherwise.

[ThreeFingerPete]

ashley summed it up when she said "until you actually have seen us together and know how we both are, you can't really give much advice."

All that anyone in here seems to be saying is "Use your fucking head and think things through." That's pretty solid advice, regardless of the situation you're in. So yes, we can give plenty of advice.

[Jester]

You are TEXTBOOK codependent. It doesn't have anything to do with "being happy with each other" so don't even try and say otherwise.

I just looked at the definition.....very interesting. I would say that I used to be codependent with Kelly. I had to do everything for her.....especially during her pregnancy. Most freeing thing ever was to get away from that.

Now, with this relationship, I don't see anythign having to do with codependency. I used to drink too much.....i have maybe a glass or 2 of wine once a week if at all. I used to smoke the ever loving shit out of that fake weed............now I am amazed I ever put that poison in my body.

now, I did like this particular part of the article

A. An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of other people.
B. A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to "love" people they can pity and rescue.
C. A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time, and to become hurt when other people do not recognize their efforts.
D. An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order to avoid the feeling of abandonment.
E. An extreme need for approval and recognition.
F. A sense of guilt when asserting themselves.
G. A compelling need to control others.
H. Lack of trust in self or others.
I. Fear of being abandoned or alone.
J. Difficulty indentifying feelings.
K. Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change.
L. Problems with intimacy/boundaries.
M. Chronic anger.
N. Lying/dishonesty.
O. Poor communication.
P. Difficulty making decisions.

Wow, I am thinking most people fall under one part of that somewhere.

Now, I understand my friends............whom which I have seen maybe one time in over 3 years.....may think I am one way seeing as the last person they knew was married to satan.
Well, that guy that all of you knew is completely different. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I dont even like to drink a coke these days because that shit is poison. I work out and do martial arts every day. I get up at sunrise and spend much of my day on improving my mind, spirit, and body. Now, this would be much more difficult if I had to work right now, but seeing as I dont, I spend my days on self improvement.

perfect example:
I saw a guy and girl in the parking lot of the grocery store the other day. they were yelling at each other and she was gettign in his face. He stuck his finger in here face and kind of pushed her mouth forward.....kinda like a finger point little pop to the mouth. She grabbed her lip in surprise as if he punched her..........it became obvious the more I thought about it that she REALLY played this up and was trying to play the big victim here.

well the first thing I do is go into "Captain Saveaho" mode. I grabbed this big golf umbrella that i have in my jeep, gave it a tight roll and re- tightened it, smacked it in my hand and thought "yep, that will fuck him up." I pull my jeep around casually, where I can observe from about 3 cars away........and then it hit me....I said to myself "fuck these inbred hillbilly methhead motherfuckers!" He wants to whip her ass, none of my business.
So, I drove off laughing to myself. Now, any of you that knew me, knew I would have walked up and beat this guy within an inch of his life.
Yeah, I beat this guys ass.......then I spend the rest of the day explaining why to the police......or I hit the guy and Martha Methhead jumps on me or stabs me......or it costs me a shitload in fees.......or the guy has a brain tumor and when I hit him it accidently kills him.......yada yada yada. Fuck that shit.

In short, people can change if they chose to. I chose to change. i looked at every aspect of my life and decided it was not working for me, so I started to fix each aspect.

[46Tbird]

Man, I understand why you're getting defensive. You're in love and you want us to be happy for you because it's going to really super last foreverthistimeIpromise. But c'mon man. You know you're going to get some shit when you post this one day:

You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it is motherfucking worth it!!!!!!!!!!!

I am now officially divorced! Thank you my dear sweet all knowing, loving, and all powerful Lord God in Heaven!

..and less than a week later, you post this:

Well, I just proposed! lol

I will always be your friend and I will light you on fire anytime you need it, but you don't have to be married to be happy. Do you?

[FreightTrain]

you don't have to be married to be happy. Do you?

I have a buddy that does lol. We all give him so much shit. I tell everyone he's affraid of the dark that's why he jumps from one marriage to another. For xmas last year I bought him a night light. His current wife of 4 months didn't think it was funny.

[Jester]

All that anyone in here seems to be saying is "Use your fucking head and think things through." That's pretty solid advice, regardless of the situation you're in. So yes, we can give plenty of advice.

this is true.....but I understand what Ash is saying. We are so imprinted with what we see every day. All we see every single day is shit that is wrong with the world. We see failed marriages, hurt children, families ripped apart, violence and stupidity run rampant, etc. We look at couples that have been together for a long time and we are surprised at how happy they are.

Well, maybe they are not happy. Maybe they are completely fucking miserable but are too scared to be apart. Take a look at my ex inlaws. She NEVER shuts the fuck up and he hides on his computer all day and jacks off to porn and talks to women on there..........seriously.......he was busted for this. They have been together 30 something years and put this illusion out there that they are happy.

Want to see happy? look at my folks. They have been together for 30 something years and always play grab ass. They dance when they hear music and they do everything together. Every one of my friends that knows my parents can easily tell they are in love.

Will my marriage this go round last? I have no idea. All I can do is be the best friend and lover I can be to her and hope she reciprocates.
That is all any of us can do really.

[bcoop]

I love how these days we designate two people that are happy with each other as "codependent."

So what is the time frame of being single to being in a relationship that makes you no longer codependent?

What I am starting to see a trend in is people that are alone and cover themselves in a fake mask of happiness and try and convince others around them that they are happy with being single. Seriously? You are happy not sharing time with someone that you share all of your experiences with?

Why?

No thanks. even though my divorce sucked and a lot of my marriage sucked, I am thankful for every single day of it. I grew as much on the good days as the bad days and learned from every day.

I will take the good with the bad every day over coming home alone and telling everyone how "awesome" it is.

Since you are responding to Jenn, I can tell you she is happily married.


I can't speak for anyone else, but myself, so I'll give you my take on it. I'm selfish. I'm a whore. Anyone that knows me, can verify both of these things. I don't like having to answer to someone. I like the peace and quiet. I like not being nagged. I like my options to be open. I like banging different sluts. I don't want someone to "share my life with". At least, not at this point in my life. I've got my kids, and my career, and I don't want some woman getting in the way of either. Ive got big goals, and i dont need any more distractions than I currently have. I've had to end what was supposed to be meaningless sex several times since my divorce (and prior to), because the chick got the wrong impression, or got attached, even though I'm as up front and honest about it as I can possibly be.

I will say, I was seeing a girl, not exclusively, that I really did like, and didn't expect it to be that way. But never once did the word love cross my mind, neither did moving in together.

I can assure, my happiness is far from a front. It's not fake, or even close to being fake. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and that's exactly how I want it. For now at least. At the current time, I don't ever see myself getting married again. Sure, anything is possible. But I'm more than perfectly content at the moment. I share my life with my kids, and my friends. When things get rough, I lean on both. I don't need a woman for that.

As for the amount of time, it's different for everyone. But your timeline, I believe, isn't enough time for anyone. I'd bet dollars to donuts a therapist would say the same, if you talked to one about it.

And to further prove I'm not bitter... I've got nothing to be bitter about. My divorce is 250% my fault. I'm a dick. I'm out of town a lot. When I was in town, I spent more time with friends than I should have. I ignored repeated warning signs that things needed to change. Maybe I did it subconsciously, because I knew the 9-5 and 2.3 kids and a wife wasn't the life for me. Who knows. What I do know, is that my life couldn't possibly be any better right now. Things are perfect. For me, that is.

[Jester]

Man, I understand why you're getting defensive. You're in love and you want us to be happy for you because it's going to really super last foreverthistimeIpromise. But c'mon man. You know you're going to get some shit when you post this one day:



..and less than a week later, you post this:




I will always be your friend and I will light you on fire anytime you need it, but you don't have to be married to be happy. Do you?

Not defensive at all Danny. not even for a second........just describing what is going on. When someone says "you are codependent" I look at the definition and see if I relate to it. In some ways, yes...........especially about a year ago. so, I am not defensive or upset over anything, just wanting my side out there.
Kinda like if I were to say Eric is a "textbook closet case homosexual." well, i would hope Eric would do some research on this, see if he feels he is a textbook closet case homosexual, and report his findings to us.

It does not actually mean he is a textbook closet case homosexual......but he might have portrayed some of those tendencies in the past.

And I use that example in a joking manner. I am pretty sure Eric is not homosexual at all(if you are Eric, I am still your friend and it is cool) but one might get the impression he is. I mean, not married, kinda mad at the world, tends to have man crushes on the super hero or intellectual types(the Punisher and Mulder), and really enjoys hanging out and having drinks with other single men..........

lulz

you mad bro? lolololol

[Broncojohnny]

Jesus Christ, you are getting married now? Again? Pump the god damn brakes man! For God's sake pump the brakes.

[Ted]

not defensive at all danny. Not even for a second........just describing what is going on. When someone says "you are codependent" i look at the definition and see if i relate to it. In some ways, yes...........especially about a year ago. So, i am not defensive or upset over anything, just wanting my side out there.
Kinda like if i were to say eric is a "textbook closet case homosexual." well, i would hope eric would do some research on this, see if he feels he is a textbook closet case homosexual, and report his findings to us.

It does not actually mean he is a textbook closet case homosexual......but he might have portrayed some of those tendencies in the past.

And i use that example in a joking manner. I am pretty sure eric is not homosexual at all(if you are eric, i am still your friend and it is cool) but one might get the impression he is. I mean, not married, kinda mad at the world, tends to have man crushes on the super hero or intellectual types(the punisher and mulder), and really enjoys hanging out and having drinks with other single men..........

Lulz

you mad bro? Lolololol

^^^^oh she mad^^^^

[Jester]

Since you are responding to Jenn, I can tell you she is happily married.


I can't speak for anyone else, but myself, so I'll give you my take on it. I'm selfish. I'm a whore. Anyone that knows me, can verify both of these things. I don't like having to answer to someone. I like the peace and quiet. I like not being nagged. I like my options to be open. I like banging different sluts. I don't want someone to "share my life with". At least, not at this point in my life. I've got my kids, and my career, and I don't want some woman getting in the way of either. Ive got big goals, and i dont need any more distractions than I currently have. I've had to end what was supposed to be meaningless sex several times since my divorce (and prior to), because the chick got the wrong impression, or got attached, even though I'm as up front and honest about it as I can possibly be.

I will say, I was seeing a girl, not exclusively, that I really did like, and didn't expect it to be that way. But never once did the word love cross my mind, neither did moving in together.

I can assure, my happiness is far from a front. It's not fake, or even close to being fake. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and that's exactly how I want it. For now at least. At the current time, I don't ever see myself getting married again. Sure, anything is possible. But I'm more than perfectly content at the moment. I share my life with my kids, and my friends. When things get rough, I lean on both. I don't need a woman for that.

As for the amount of time, it's different for everyone. But your timeline, I believe, isn't enough time for anyone. I'd bet dollars to donuts a therapist would say the same, if you talked to one about it.

And to further prove I'm not bitter... I've got nothing to be bitter about. My divorce is 250% my fault. I'm a dick. I'm out of town a lot. When I was in town, I spent more time with friends than I should have. I ignored repeated warning signs that things needed to change. Maybe I did it subconsciously, because I knew the 9-5 and 2.3 kids and a wife wasn't the life for me. Who knows. What I do know, is that my life couldn't possibly be any better right now. Things are perfect. For me, that is.

See, that is excellent that you can admit where it went wrong! That means if you do meet the right woman, you will know how you are and explain it to her. I layed my crazy out on the first date. We had talked for a few weeks prior and when we finally did meet, we didnt put up any fronts. I think that has been a big factor with us so far. No lies or bullshit fronts getting in the way. I said "well, i am certified nucking futs twice over, i suck at killing myself, and I have 2 kids I never get to see and a wife that wishes I was dead.......how bout you?

I am fucking DONE with therapists.....when I got the fuck away from therapists, my life got on track. A therapist sees what the textbooks tell them to see. Sure, there are some remarkable ones out there that really help some people, but I think there are PLENTY of them out there royally fucking people up.