Whats your most akward experience in bed with someone that scared you

[TEAMJACOB]

Can we change the thread title to "who's humped a manatee and/or been shit on?"

[txsr20de]

It disturbs me that you have a plan in place for when you shit on something, LOL

Who doesn't?

Seriously. Any man who claims not to have a shit-contingency plan is either delusional or just a fucking liar.

It happens to the best of us.

[Vertnut]

Last night was bad. Bad in a way that you file away to try to remember as some kind of life lesson that you didn't wanna have to learn. I don't want to post this story, but with the good comes the bad.

The Wrinkled Clam came to me as the sister of a friend of mine that had recently went through an ugly engagement breakup. She's the same age as me (36) and went to the same high school.....but I totally don't remember her. But looking at my yearbook I see she still sported that big, poofy 1993 hair that she does now. I invited her over to "watch a movie".....we both knew what the deal was.

She shows up at the door.....she's husky but she's got huge tits and a big round ass so I'm game. It's been a few weeks I'm game for pretty much anything. She brings her favorite movie called "The Notebook". Dumbest fucking movie I ever halfway paid attention to. The credits are rolling and I'm making out with this beast and her poofy hair smells good.

Upstairs to hit the memory foam. I make sure the fucking lights are OFF for this one.....but there is still light from a street lamp outside coming through the window shade going accross the bed in a single beam of weak light. I ignore that, unfortunately.

She's giving me head like I'm the last guy on earth, and I'm sucking on those big old titties and getting ready to fuck this girl.......and I reach down and grab her legs to pull them up and that fucking beam of light accross the bed hits right on her pussy......and her pussy is like totally shrivelled. She shaves the fucking thing so you can see it plain as day.......it looks like a biscuit that has sat on the fucking table for about three weeks. I've never seen anything like it.....but I decide to fuck it anyways. You cant turn around on this fucking path..... it's too narrow. So I'm fucking her and I'm trying not to think about this shrivelled pussy but the image is etched in my mind.

So I'm fucking her and I kinda get up on my knees and rear back and this fucking bitch farts.....and I mean she farts LOUD and I can feel the warm wind on my balls. Thank fucking god it didnt stink at all or I would have fucking puked right on her wrinkled pussy. And normally when this type of shit happens you just ignore it and keep going.....but she says this loud "SQUOOOOZE ME!!!!" so politely and I almost burst out laughing.

I didn't finish. I got up, got dressed and went to get a drink of water. She got dressed while I was getting my water and said she had to go because she had to get up early in the morning for work. I woke up this morning and remembered last night and felt like dry heaving.

Dude...you must have a knot on your dick that hits their "fart button", or it makes a hard left or some shit.

[txsr20de]

Dude...you must have a knot on your dick that hits their "fart button", or it makes a hard left or some shit.

I have had numerous girls who inadvertently fart when they climax. Not a big deal, it's usually somewhat amusing as long as it's dry and doesn't stink.

[GE]

[racrguy]

lmao!

[WildBill]

LMMFAO..............Give a guy a warning!

[talisman]

I fucking hate you Geoff.

[GE]

I bet Bill got a stiffy!

[WildBill]

I bet Bill got a stiffy!

Yeah.......Talipoo is kinda cute when you hide his 5head.


.......right click....save as

[sig239]

Isn't this wild snorlax the same one that nay nay teabagged, then she claimed she was asleep, while smiling in the picture?

He was lucky she didn't inhale his sack..

[Leah]

Who's the one on the right?

[racrguy]

Who's the one on the right?

[Leah]

Uh, yeah.

[racrguy]

Uh, yeah.

I've never met the wildebeest, but that's forensix.