Whats your most akward experience in bed with someone that scared you

[SEB]

SMKR

[ ] Copies MattB well
[X] Does not copies MattB wel

Right, Hey at least its new material! Some of the shit is beat up like some Aflack Pussy!

[LANTIRN]

I probably should have been scared, but I was too drunk to realize I was not in a good situation.

On midtour, and a buddy and I are touring Korea; just getting on a bus or train, getting off at a random town, and sightseeing and drinking and hanging out for a day. We get to a town called Samcheok; on the coast and known for it's cave. Up to this point, our American debit cards worked in every ATM, but now we are almost out of cash and the cards only work when we buy food or pay for a room; and the Koreans didn't want to give us cash back. We have the equivalent of $20 left in my wallet; we can eat and drink all we want on debit charges, but the bus station and train station only take cash; no plastic!!

Fuck it, we hit the bars, which in Korea are typically all on one street and close together. Halfway through my buddy goes back to the hotel, which is on the other side of town, but I stay and continue to bar hop and kill as many brain cells as possible. I finally hit the end of the bar row, and take a turn on the intersection hoping to see more bars; I don't. But, I keep stumbling forward thinking I will find a back-alley bar. I wander up streets and down alleys, and finally, attached to the parking garage of a bank is a bright neon sign. My American ass associates neon with alcohol, so I go in. The sign was in Hongul.

I round a corner, and see half a dozen rooms with neon signs over them, and no life at all. I stumble to the first room and see a small bar, and fridge full of beer. Jackpot!! Mamasan comes out and speaks in Korea; I speak in slurred English and point to the beer. She makes makes me take off my shoes and leads me to the back room; a damn karaoke room, or so I think. (I had been in Korea for 6 months and had seen a real Korea karaoke room; in retrospect this was not one of them).

A Filipino girl, barely dressed and barely 18 walks in with a tray full of beer.
"Two" she says, and I hand her a $10 bill.
"Two".....and I point to the $10 (this goes on for a few minutes.)
Finally she calls mama over, who explains in Korean that it is two $10 bills, and I am buying the girl. My buddy and I only have $20 to our name, and I have no condom. I want a damn beer, and I say "two" and point to beer. They start yelling and bitching because they think I am insulting the girl and mama by cutting the price in half; Korea, Tagalog, and me in English are being yelled and no one understands the other. Finally mama is pissed and kicks me into the hallway; the hooker is near crying.

By this time the commotion had drawn about 3 dozen hookers; about 3 spoke English and were laughing their ass off at me; the rest were fucking pissed I was insulting their whore friend. Angry hookers, ready to kick my ass, and I could barely put my shoes on. I was not sober enough to leave the same way I entered, so I stumble further into the bordello when a hand shoots out of a door and yanks me inside another room.

Inside this room is another mamasan of about 40 or 50 years old; not ugly, but maybe that was because I was so drunk. She has two beers sitting on the bar, and tells me "two".

Well I am retarded when I drink, apparently, because I assumed she spoke English, heard the commotion before, and knew I just wanted to buy beer for two bucks. So I hand her a $10 bill. She says "no, two". I hand her the $10...you see where this is going. Well she finally gets it across that I am buying sex with HER for $20, with beer. I still don't have a condom, and I damn sure want the hot young chick if I am going to spend $20, but she is angry now. 40 year old mamasan argues with me and I tell her I want beer for $2, only she thinks I am trying to buy her for $10 and is insulted. I am kicked out again into the hallway, and now the young hookers have heard me insulting another mamasan by lowballing. They are PISSED. I have never seen that many angry hookers in one place. They chased me out of the building and into a strange neighborhood; it took me another 2 or 3 hours to find the hotel. I never did find any more beer, but at least I still had my $20, and no STD. When I woke up the next morning I realized I should have been far more scared than I was, but thanks to the alcohol I was a brave SOB.

Moral of the story; hookers get pissed if you are trying to buy beer.

[suckerdin]

the (literally) first time i ever had sex: after i'd finished the condom was nowhere to be found for a good 30 seconds.

i think i pooped a little bit. (almost literally)

[KBScobravert]

I probably should have been scared, but I was too drunk to realize I was not in a good situation.

On midtour, and a buddy and I are touring Korea; just getting on a bus or train, getting off at a random town, and sightseeing and drinking and hanging out for a day. We get to a town called Samcheok; on the coast and known for it's cave. Up to this point, our American debit cards worked in every ATM, but now we are almost out of cash and the cards only work when we buy food or pay for a room; and the Koreans didn't want to give us cash back. We have the equivalent of $20 left in my wallet; we can eat and drink all we want on debit charges, but the bus station and train station only take cash; no plastic!!

Fuck it, we hit the bars, which in Korea are typically all on one street and close together. Halfway through my buddy goes back to the hotel, which is on the other side of town, but I stay and continue to bar hop and kill as many brain cells as possible. I finally hit the end of the bar row, and take a turn on the intersection hoping to see more bars; I don't. But, I keep stumbling forward thinking I will find a back-alley bar. I wander up streets and down alleys, and finally, attached to the parking garage of a bank is a bright neon sign. My American ass associates neon with alcohol, so I go in. The sign was in Hongul.

I round a corner, and see half a dozen rooms with neon signs over them, and no life at all. I stumble to the first room and see a small bar, and fridge full of beer. Jackpot!! Mamasan comes out and speaks in Korea; I speak in slurred English and point to the beer. She makes makes me take off my shoes and leads me to the back room; a damn karaoke room, or so I think. (I had been in Korea for 6 months and had seen a real Korea karaoke room; in retrospect this was not one of them).

A Filipino girl, barely dressed and barely 18 walks in with a tray full of beer.
"Two" she says, and I hand her a $10 bill.
"Two".....and I point to the $10 (this goes on for a few minutes.)
Finally she calls mama over, who explains in Korean that it is two $10 bills, and I am buying the girl. My buddy and I only have $20 to our name, and I have no condom. I want a damn beer, and I say "two" and point to beer. They start yelling and bitching because they think I am insulting the girl and mama by cutting the price in half; Korea, Tagalog, and me in English are being yelled and no one understands the other. Finally mama is pissed and kicks me into the hallway; the hooker is near crying.

By this time the commotion had drawn about 3 dozen hookers; about 3 spoke English and were laughing their ass off at me; the rest were fucking pissed I was insulting their whore friend. Angry hookers, ready to kick my ass, and I could barely put my shoes on. I was not sober enough to leave the same way I entered, so I stumble further into the bordello when a hand shoots out of a door and yanks me inside another room.

Inside this room is another mamasan of about 40 or 50 years old; not ugly, but maybe that was because I was so drunk. She has two beers sitting on the bar, and tells me "two".

Well I am retarded when I drink, apparently, because I assumed she spoke English, heard the commotion before, and knew I just wanted to buy beer for two bucks. So I hand her a $10 bill. She says "no, two". I hand her the $10...you see where this is going. Well she finally gets it across that I am buying sex with HER for $20, with beer. I still don't have a condom, and I damn sure want the hot young chick if I am going to spend $20, but she is angry now. 40 year old mamasan argues with me and I tell her I want beer for $2, only she thinks I am trying to buy her for $10 and is insulted. I am kicked out again into the hallway, and now the young hookers have heard me insulting another mamasan by lowballing. They are PISSED. I have never seen that many angry hookers in one place. They chased me out of the building and into a strange neighborhood; it took me another 2 or 3 hours to find the hotel. I never did find any more beer, but at least I still had my $20, and no STD. When I woke up the next morning I realized I should have been far more scared than I was, but thanks to the alcohol I was a brave SOB.

Moral of the story; hookers get pissed if you are trying to buy beer.

Sounds like my trip to the Canary Islands in '97. Only enough money for one of us to get laid and the whores chased us all out after calling the police. Imagine that, a whore calling the police on you cause you are negotiating a pussy purchase. So we ran; drunk, lost and laughing.

[Pro88LX]

LMAO @ some of these posts!

[Big A]

I probably should have been scared, but I was too drunk to realize I was not in a good situation.

On midtour, and a buddy and I are touring Korea; just getting on a bus or train, getting off at a random town, and sightseeing and drinking and hanging out for a day. We get to a town called Samcheok; on the coast and known for it's cave. Up to this point, our American debit cards worked in every ATM, but now we are almost out of cash and the cards only work when we buy food or pay for a room; and the Koreans didn't want to give us cash back. We have the equivalent of $20 left in my wallet; we can eat and drink all we want on debit charges, but the bus station and train station only take cash; no plastic!!

Fuck it, we hit the bars, which in Korea are typically all on one street and close together. Halfway through my buddy goes back to the hotel, which is on the other side of town, but I stay and continue to bar hop and kill as many brain cells as possible. I finally hit the end of the bar row, and take a turn on the intersection hoping to see more bars; I don't. But, I keep stumbling forward thinking I will find a back-alley bar. I wander up streets and down alleys, and finally, attached to the parking garage of a bank is a bright neon sign. My American ass associates neon with alcohol, so I go in. The sign was in Hongul.

I round a corner, and see half a dozen rooms with neon signs over them, and no life at all. I stumble to the first room and see a small bar, and fridge full of beer. Jackpot!! Mamasan comes out and speaks in Korea; I speak in slurred English and point to the beer. She makes makes me take off my shoes and leads me to the back room; a damn karaoke room, or so I think. (I had been in Korea for 6 months and had seen a real Korea karaoke room; in retrospect this was not one of them).

A Filipino girl, barely dressed and barely 18 walks in with a tray full of beer.
"Two" she says, and I hand her a $10 bill.
"Two".....and I point to the $10 (this goes on for a few minutes.)
Finally she calls mama over, who explains in Korean that it is two $10 bills, and I am buying the girl. My buddy and I only have $20 to our name, and I have no condom. I want a damn beer, and I say "two" and point to beer. They start yelling and bitching because they think I am insulting the girl and mama by cutting the price in half; Korea, Tagalog, and me in English are being yelled and no one understands the other. Finally mama is pissed and kicks me into the hallway; the hooker is near crying.

By this time the commotion had drawn about 3 dozen hookers; about 3 spoke English and were laughing their ass off at me; the rest were fucking pissed I was insulting their whore friend. Angry hookers, ready to kick my ass, and I could barely put my shoes on. I was not sober enough to leave the same way I entered, so I stumble further into the bordello when a hand shoots out of a door and yanks me inside another room.

Inside this room is another mamasan of about 40 or 50 years old; not ugly, but maybe that was because I was so drunk. She has two beers sitting on the bar, and tells me "two".

Well I am retarded when I drink, apparently, because I assumed she spoke English, heard the commotion before, and knew I just wanted to buy beer for two bucks. So I hand her a $10 bill. She says "no, two". I hand her the $10...you see where this is going. Well she finally gets it across that I am buying sex with HER for $20, with beer. I still don't have a condom, and I damn sure want the hot young chick if I am going to spend $20, but she is angry now. 40 year old mamasan argues with me and I tell her I want beer for $2, only she thinks I am trying to buy her for $10 and is insulted. I am kicked out again into the hallway, and now the young hookers have heard me insulting another mamasan by lowballing. They are PISSED. I have never seen that many angry hookers in one place. They chased me out of the building and into a strange neighborhood; it took me another 2 or 3 hours to find the hotel. I never did find any more beer, but at least I still had my $20, and no STD. When I woke up the next morning I realized I should have been far more scared than I was, but thanks to the alcohol I was a brave SOB.

Moral of the story; hookers get pissed if you are trying to buy beer.

The irony is, had you been sober enough to be scared, you probably would't have gotten yourself into that predicament in the first place.

Funny story though.

[Cannon]

About two years ago I meet this beautiful "new" stripper at a club I'm bouncing at. I usually blow of the advances I get for protecting them from drunk devil dogs but this chick was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

One night her Dad drops her off (strange, I know) and I'm working the door. She asked if I would take her home since her car's in the shop and she doesn't trust any of the other bouncers or girls. I say sure...why not? I'm just being nice.

The night draws to an end and she gets dressed in her not so slutty clothes and jumps into my, new at the time, zo6. She makes a remark about guys that drive vettes are compensating for something down below. I just laugh and tell her that I'm compensating for a low self esteem. Then she says let me see it. Oh, it was fucking on I thought. I tell her that we'll make a pit-stop at my house if she really wanted to see it. I really didn't bang the chicks I worked with because of all the drama but this chick was a BAD BITCH.

We get to my house and as soon as I open the door she jumps on me. I'm all about it and finally we end up on the couch. We're almost full nude when I realize that I'm without a condom. Fuck, I thought and then that devilish voice told me just to go with it. I go to flip on the lights in one last ditch effort to find a condom BUT she stops me...? She says that she likes it better with the lights off. I'm thinking wtf? And explain that I'm a "visual learner" and I want a mental video of what's about to happen. She says that it's a weird thing with her but they have to be off. Now I'm starting to realize that there's something fishy going on so I just flip the lights on swiftly. I was staring face to face with the world's most beefiest vagina. It looked not like an Arby's sandwich but a overly enlarged, exploded, Arby's sandwich...It was bad. SO bad that I was completely turned off. She becomes embarrassed and I quickly take her home. We were cool after that night but she never asked me to give her a ride home again. One of the other bouncers ended up getting with her and I think they're married and living in Okinawa Japan.

Every time I get to slide a pair of undies down a new set of legs that picture pops into my head. I almost lose my erection, not really but that memory forever haunts me.

[redrocket5.0]

Well, Me and my wife at the time decide that this co worker of mine needs a night of partying with us and our group of friends. Wife heads to club before hand with her friends, I pick up girl co worker. We head out to race track and at midnight I was supposed to take her home instead. Nope, i gave her the choice of a boring night at her house alone or a night with beers and tittie bars, and who knows what else. We all eventually meet up at tittie bar, have a good time. And she is still wanting to party it up with us. So we meet up with everybody at the friends party house. Drinking continues. A few stares has me wondering if my instinct's are correct this girl wants me. Anyway, night goes on, eventually, wife, Coworker and I arrive at my house, start watching tv and wife heads to bed. Jen is teasing me now, so I then ask her, You want me? No answer, just a girl getting naked instead. My heart is gonna explode from my chest, wife in other room, this girl is ready to fuck. What to do, what to do, So i nail her from the back and stare down the hallway expecting my wife to walk in anytime. She never did, Best lay I ever had. Needless to say, she is my new woman, and I have a ex wife now. I was banging the both of them for the longest time. New woman does it all, pain, choking, biting, anal. freaked me out at first, but you get used to it. I dish it out, I dont recieve any of it, dont like it. lol.

[10sec302]

AWKWARD:

I dont live in the DFW area, I live more around the Southeast Texas area and me and some buddies are at the Texas Longhorn (Ironically a club in Vinton, Louisiana) and I meet this older women, she's around 41-42, I cant remember how old she told me she was. Me and my buddies didnt show up til about midnight, and I didnt get to talk to her long before her and her Daughter-in-law had to leave. As I'm walking her out she says, "Hey do you have a facebook?" I say, "yeah but I dont get on too often" and she says, "Well Im going to send you a friend request, so now you have a reason to!"

Sure enough a couple days go by and she sends me a friends request. We get to talking and she tells me how she's seperated from her Husband and they're getting a divorce, etc etc. Well I meet her for drinks one night and nothing, not even a kiss, etc etc etc. It takes me 2 more times of meeting her out to get her home. First shes shy and reluctant to do anything, but I end up hittin it. We start these sessions about twice a week, meeting for drinks, then she follows me home, I hit it, she goes home....

I'm an Operator at a local chemical plant here, but I have a friend that owns his own Pressure Washing company and every once in a while I'll help him when his regular guy cant help him (Im sure you all know where this is going). He calls me on my 8 day break and says, "Hey man, I got a house to do if you feel like making a couple hundred bucks today?" Well Im off work and didnt have anything going on so I said, "Thats cool, I'll be at your house at 8am" We show up to this house and NO LIE, this guy walks out and we're talking to him about what he wants done, etc....and we walk out back and my buddy is like, "Do you want your back patio done too?" and the guy is like, "Man, let me ask my wife...." he leans in the door and says, "baby, do you want the patio done too?"..........She walks outside and starts to talk and sees me and litterally fumbles over her words. She looks at the patio and says, "Uhh yeah sure, that's fine" and walks straight back in the house. The husband looks at us and says, "Man I dont know what her deal is, but sorry she was rude" ........

Then the guy offers us bottled water when we were done. I tried texting her later that evening to ask her WTF, but we havent spoken since.

[slowyellow]

AWKWARD:

I dont live in the DFW area, I live more around the Southeast Texas area and me and some buddies are at the Texas Longhorn (Ironically a club in Vinton, Louisiana) and I meet this older women, she's around 41-42, I cant remember how old she told me she was. Me and my buddies didnt show up til about midnight, and I didnt get to talk to her long before her and her Daughter-in-law had to leave. As I'm walking her out she says, "Hey do you have a facebook?" I say, "yeah but I dont get on too often" and she says, "Well Im going to send you a friend request, so now you have a reason to!"

Sure enough a couple days go by and she sends me a friends request. We get to talking and she tells me how she's seperated from her Husband and they're getting a divorce, etc etc. Well I meet her for drinks one night and nothing, not even a kiss, etc etc etc. It takes me 2 more times of meeting her out to get her home. First shes shy and reluctant to do anything, but I end up hittin it. We start these sessions about twice a week, meeting for drinks, then she follows me home, I hit it, she goes home....

I'm an Operator at a local chemical plant here, but I have a friend that owns his own Pressure Washing company and every once in a while I'll help him when his regular guy cant help him (Im sure you all know where this is going). He calls me on my 8 day break and says, "Hey man, I got a house to do if you feel like making a couple hundred bucks today?" Well Im off work and didnt have anything going on so I said, "Thats cool, I'll be at your house at 8am" We show up to this house and NO LIE, this guy walks out and we're talking to him about what he wants done, etc....and we walk out back and my buddy is like, "Do you want your back patio done too?" and the guy is like, "Man, let me ask my wife...." he leans in the door and says, "baby, do you want the patio done too?"..........She walks outside and starts to talk and sees me and litterally fumbles over her words. She looks at the patio and says, "Uhh yeah sure, that's fine" and walks straight back in the house. The husband looks at us and says, "Man I dont know what her deal is, but sorry she was rude" ........

Then the guy offers us bottled water when we were done. I tried texting her later that evening to ask her WTF, but we havent spoken since.

That's pretty damn funny. I guess that would REALLY be awkwrd

[svauto-erotic855]

I was staring face to face with the world's most beefiest vagina. It looked not like an Arby's sandwich but a overly enlarged, exploded, Arby's sandwich...It was bad. SO bad that I was completely turned off.

Meat curtains scared you off a piece of tail? Don't bang chicks that are into bodybuilding; it will scare you even more. When they lean up it makes their pussy look a lot bigger.

For some reason I would really like to see a picture of the puss that scared you.

[Sean88gt]

Meat curtains scared you off a piece of tail? Don't bang chicks that are into bodybuilding; it will scare you even more. When they lean up it makes their pussy look a lot bigger.

For some reason I would really like to see a picture of the puss that scared you.

No shit.

[tribaltalon]

Most awkward moment for me was at UTA in Arlington Hall on the top floor computer lab bathroom. I hooked up with a girl that was in some of my classes and happened to be in the lab at 2 am while I was up there trying to finish a report while my roommates were partying in the dorm. We got to talking and one thing led to another and we end up in the bathroom fuckin her brains out and I slipped on water or piss and fell to my knee and holy fuck it felt like I had just shattered it. My knee was bleeding everywhere and I lost my stiffy. The girl was like wow why did you go soft am I not hot enough and pulled her clothes on and left. I try and wipe the blood up and walk out the bathroom ans there's like 10 girls sitting at computers staring at me qnd my bloody knee. Lol. Not my proudest moment. Luckily I got to redeem myself and I ended up banging the chick for the rest of the semester.

[CJ]

I probably should have been scared, but I was too drunk to realize I was not in a good situation.

On midtour, and a buddy and I are touring Korea; just getting on a bus or train, getting off at a random town, and sightseeing and drinking and hanging out for a day. We get to a town called Samcheok; on the coast and known for it's cave. Up to this point, our American debit cards worked in every ATM, but now we are almost out of cash and the cards only work when we buy food or pay for a room; and the Koreans didn't want to give us cash back. We have the equivalent of $20 left in my wallet; we can eat and drink all we want on debit charges, but the bus station and train station only take cash; no plastic!!

Fuck it, we hit the bars, which in Korea are typically all on one street and close together. Halfway through my buddy goes back to the hotel, which is on the other side of town, but I stay and continue to bar hop and kill as many brain cells as possible. I finally hit the end of the bar row, and take a turn on the intersection hoping to see more bars; I don't. But, I keep stumbling forward thinking I will find a back-alley bar. I wander up streets and down alleys, and finally, attached to the parking garage of a bank is a bright neon sign. My American ass associates neon with alcohol, so I go in. The sign was in Hongul.

I round a corner, and see half a dozen rooms with neon signs over them, and no life at all. I stumble to the first room and see a small bar, and fridge full of beer. Jackpot!! Mamasan comes out and speaks in Korea; I speak in slurred English and point to the beer. She makes makes me take off my shoes and leads me to the back room; a damn karaoke room, or so I think. (I had been in Korea for 6 months and had seen a real Korea karaoke room; in retrospect this was not one of them).

A Filipino girl, barely dressed and barely 18 walks in with a tray full of beer.
"Two" she says, and I hand her a $10 bill.
"Two".....and I point to the $10 (this goes on for a few minutes.)
Finally she calls mama over, who explains in Korean that it is two $10 bills, and I am buying the girl. My buddy and I only have $20 to our name, and I have no condom. I want a damn beer, and I say "two" and point to beer. They start yelling and bitching because they think I am insulting the girl and mama by cutting the price in half; Korea, Tagalog, and me in English are being yelled and no one understands the other. Finally mama is pissed and kicks me into the hallway; the hooker is near crying.

By this time the commotion had drawn about 3 dozen hookers; about 3 spoke English and were laughing their ass off at me; the rest were fucking pissed I was insulting their whore friend. Angry hookers, ready to kick my ass, and I could barely put my shoes on. I was not sober enough to leave the same way I entered, so I stumble further into the bordello when a hand shoots out of a door and yanks me inside another room.

Inside this room is another mamasan of about 40 or 50 years old; not ugly, but maybe that was because I was so drunk. She has two beers sitting on the bar, and tells me "two".

Well I am retarded when I drink, apparently, because I assumed she spoke English, heard the commotion before, and knew I just wanted to buy beer for two bucks. So I hand her a $10 bill. She says "no, two". I hand her the $10...you see where this is going. Well she finally gets it across that I am buying sex with HER for $20, with beer. I still don't have a condom, and I damn sure want the hot young chick if I am going to spend $20, but she is angry now. 40 year old mamasan argues with me and I tell her I want beer for $2, only she thinks I am trying to buy her for $10 and is insulted. I am kicked out again into the hallway, and now the young hookers have heard me insulting another mamasan by lowballing. They are PISSED. I have never seen that many angry hookers in one place. They chased me out of the building and into a strange neighborhood; it took me another 2 or 3 hours to find the hotel. I never did find any more beer, but at least I still had my $20, and no STD. When I woke up the next morning I realized I should have been far more scared than I was, but thanks to the alcohol I was a brave SOB.

Moral of the story; hookers get pissed if you are trying to buy beer.

lol that is hilarious.

[Couver]

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