Whats your most akward experience in bed with someone that scared you

[Cannon88]

I'm making out with this beast and her poofy hair smells good.

That part made me lol.

[TxFordGirl]

The FUCK is THAT???

Who the fuck is that? Is she on this board?

[Leah]

Who the fuck is that? Is she on this board?

That's what she reminded me of.

[Broncojohnny]

Oh god, why did you idiots have to post a pic of that warthog?

I can see Bill now, going to town on that thing and being proud of it.

[Steve]

last night was bad. Bad in a way that you file away to try to remember as some kind of life lesson that you didn't wanna have to learn. I don't want to post this story, but with the good comes the bad.

The wrinkled clam came to me as the sister of a friend of mine that had recently went through an ugly engagement breakup. She's the same age as me (36) and went to the same high school.....but i totally don't remember her. But looking at my yearbook i see she still sported that big, poofy 1993 hair that she does now. I invited her over to "watch a movie".....we both knew what the deal was.

She shows up at the door.....she's husky but she's got huge tits and a big round ass so i'm game. It's been a few weeks i'm game for pretty much anything. She brings her favorite movie called "the notebook". Dumbest fucking movie i ever halfway paid attention to. The credits are rolling and i'm making out with this beast and her poofy hair smells good.

Upstairs to hit the memory foam. I make sure the fucking lights are off for this one.....but there is still light from a street lamp outside coming through the window shade going accross the bed in a single beam of weak light. I ignore that, unfortunately.

She's giving me head like i'm the last guy on earth, and i'm sucking on those big old titties and getting ready to fuck this girl.......and i reach down and grab her legs to pull them up and that fucking beam of light accross the bed hits right on her pussy......and her pussy is like totally shrivelled. She shaves the fucking thing so you can see it plain as day.......it looks like a biscuit that has sat on the fucking table for about three weeks. I've never seen anything like it.....but i decide to fuck it anyways. You cant turn around on this fucking path..... It's too narrow. So i'm fucking her and i'm trying not to think about this shrivelled pussy but the image is etched in my mind.

So i'm fucking her and i kinda get up on my knees and rear back and this fucking bitch farts.....and i mean she farts loud and i can feel the warm wind on my balls. Thank fucking god it didnt stink at all or i would have fucking puked right on her wrinkled pussy. And normally when this type of shit happens you just ignore it and keep going.....but she says this loud "squooooze me!!!!" so politely and i almost burst out laughing.

I didn't finish. I got up, got dressed and went to get a drink of water. She got dressed while i was getting my water and said she had to go because she had to get up early in the morning for work. I woke up this morning and remembered last night and felt like dry heaving.

lmao!

[TEAMJACOB]

Michael is that two bitches that farted on you? Wtf lol

You knoiw girls queef too right? Sure u aren't mixing the two up?

[TxFordGirl]

Last night was bad. Bad in a way that you file away to try to remember as some kind of life lesson that you didn't wanna have to learn. I don't want to post this story, but with the good comes the bad.

The Wrinkled Clam came to me as the sister of a friend of mine that had recently went through an ugly engagement breakup. She's the same age as me (36) and went to the same high school.....but I totally don't remember her. But looking at my yearbook I see she still sported that big, poofy 1993 hair that she does now. I invited her over to "watch a movie".....we both knew what the deal was.

She shows up at the door.....she's husky but she's got huge tits and a big round ass so I'm game. It's been a few weeks I'm game for pretty much anything. She brings her favorite movie called "The Notebook". Dumbest fucking movie I ever halfway paid attention to. The credits are rolling and I'm making out with this beast and her poofy hair smells good.

Upstairs to hit the memory foam. I make sure the fucking lights are OFF for this one.....but there is still light from a street lamp outside coming through the window shade going accross the bed in a single beam of weak light. I ignore that, unfortunately.

She's giving me head like I'm the last guy on earth, and I'm sucking on those big old titties and getting ready to fuck this girl.......and I reach down and grab her legs to pull them up and that fucking beam of light accross the bed hits right on her pussy......and her pussy is like totally shrivelled. She shaves the fucking thing so you can see it plain as day.......it looks like a biscuit that has sat on the fucking table for about three weeks. I've never seen anything like it.....but I decide to fuck it anyways. You cant turn around on this fucking path..... it's too narrow. So I'm fucking her and I'm trying not to think about this shrivelled pussy but the image is etched in my mind.

So I'm fucking her and I kinda get up on my knees and rear back and this fucking bitch farts.....and I mean she farts LOUD and I can feel the warm wind on my balls. Thank fucking god it didnt stink at all or I would have fucking puked right on her wrinkled pussy. And normally when this type of shit happens you just ignore it and keep going.....but she says this loud "SQUOOOOZE ME!!!!" so politely and I almost burst out laughing.

I didn't finish. I got up, got dressed and went to get a drink of water. She got dressed while I was getting my water and said she had to go because she had to get up early in the morning for work. I woke up this morning and remembered last night and felt like dry heaving.

OMG... I can't stop laughing.

[TxFordGirl]

That's what she reminded me of.

Yeah she does look like her.

[Bad Religion]

I was over at this girls apartment one time and I was just over there to do one thing. We got pretty drunk but nothing crazy. So I start off nailing the girl. Mind you I was not pounding yet, nothing crazy, just the norm first few minutes of getting familiar with the turf thing. I'm just going at it regs, then I start to smell something. It smelled like shit. I was like "did I not wipe my ass good enough today or something?" It was pretty faint so I just let it go. The smell started to get stronger, so I post up and look down. She SHIT her bed! a consistency of half solid/liquidy about the diameter of a small pancake. I was in complete shock but I just couldn't stop fucking her. Carefully though, I didn't not want my balls to be covered in shit. Finally I had decided that this was gross and got up. She looks down and goes "what is that?" like she has no fucking idea what it was. I just looked at her, didn't say a word and went to the bathroom. There was shit on my balls, I swiftly cleaned them and got dressed. She grabbed her sheets with out prior wiping or cleaning and just threw them in the washer! WTF! If I were to shit on anything it goes in the trash. I never went over there again.

[Steve]

Erica's face was closer than mine!

Jesus Pogo Stickin Christ Billy. You managed to find the one uglier person than you to fuck. You can't even drink her ugly away, so you can't use the drunk exuse. lol.

[Denny]

I was over at this girls apartment one time and I was just over there to do one thing. We got pretty drunk but nothing crazy. So I start off nailing the girl. Mind you I was not pounding yet, nothing crazy, just the norm first few minutes of getting familiar with the turf thing. I'm just going at it regs, then I start to smell something. It smelled like shit. I was like "did I not wipe my ass good enough today or something?" It was pretty faint so I just let it go. The smell started to get stronger, so I post up and look down. She SHIT her bed! a consistency of half solid/liquidy about the diameter of a small pancake. I was in complete shock but I just couldn't stop fucking her. Carefully though, I didn't not want my balls to be covered in shit. Finally I had decided that this was gross and got up. She looks down and goes "what is that?" like she has no fucking idea what it was. I just looked at her, didn't say a word and went to the bathroom. There was shit on my balls, I swiftly cleaned them and got dressed. She grabbed her sheets with out prior wiping or cleaning and just threw them in the washer! WTF! If I were to shit on anything it goes in the trash. I never went over there again.

Diarrhea... nature's anal lube. You should have taken that as an invite.

[Wicked98Snake]

I was over at this girls apartment one time and I was just over there to do one thing. We got pretty drunk but nothing crazy. So I start off nailing the girl. Mind you I was not pounding yet, nothing crazy, just the norm first few minutes of getting familiar with the turf thing. I'm just going at it regs, then I start to smell something. It smelled like shit. I was like "did I not wipe my ass good enough today or something?" It was pretty faint so I just let it go. The smell started to get stronger, so I post up and look down. She SHIT her bed! a consistency of half solid/liquidy about the diameter of a small pancake. I was in complete shock but I just couldn't stop fucking her. Carefully though, I didn't not want my balls to be covered in shit. Finally I had decided that this was gross and got up. She looks down and goes "what is that?" like she has no fucking idea what it was. I just looked at her, didn't say a word and went to the bathroom. There was shit on my balls, I swiftly cleaned them and got dressed. She grabbed her sheets with out prior wiping or cleaning and just threw them in the washer! WTF! If I were to shit on anything it goes in the trash. I never went over there again.

It disturbs me that you have a plan in place for when you shit on something, LOL

[TEAMJACOB]

Lmao

[Denny]

It disturbs me that you have a plan in place for when you shit on something, LOL

Who doesn't?

[idrivea4banger]

I threw up a little. Not because of the stories but because of the girl wild bill hogged.