Define Respect

[BLAKE]

This is something that's been on my mind recently, and I'm interested to hear what you knuckleheads think.

--Begin lengthy explanation. Feel free to skip to the end.--

For myself, my job can be distilled into the label of manager, though it has many other facets. I have a wonderful family that includes an amazing wife and that relationship is built on a solid foundation of mutual respect. We are perfectly aligned on any issue that actually matters, and both know that on whatever subject either of us might have a firm stance, it's based on reason and forethought. Any disagreement that couldn't be resolved between us comes down to her being an "emotional girl" about something or me being an immature, testosterone-fueled dumbass about something. I have no reservations about typing this, because I know she would agree. This will tie into my supposition later.

I have an equally-amazing daughter that is everything I could have hoped for, and any challenges she throws our way is a byproduct of greater (good) things.

That said, be it personal or business, I have to exercise respect on a daily basis. The aforementioned family knows that it's not worth questioning a decision that I make because they know it's informed and for a reason. That manifests it itself in extremely infrequent confrontations with my wife, and though I've never had to lay a hand on her, all it takes is the right tone of voice to get my daughter to snap into formation. I give her all the credit in that. I firmly believe that there are children that need more stick than carrot. I'm just lucky that mine doesn't require that.

At work I have 5 people that are ready to run through a brick wall for me. That's not because I'm a I'm a task master or intimidating. It's because I respect their opinion, and more often than not, they provide insight that makes the final product better, and they work as hard as I do. I truly believe that we're better together, and I see it play out on a daily basis. Some of that may boil down to good hiring, and I'm sure some of that is luck. Either way, I'm working too hard and smiling the whole time.

So after that long dissertation, here's the crux of my question: fear.

--End lengthy explanation--

How much does fear play into things? Because it's a very real factor. Obviously at 6'3" I don't have to play the I'm-bigger-than-you card at home. Truth be told, I'm the Sasquatch of the office too, but I feel like if I had to play that card, I've already lost the game.

Civilizations are built on the basis of the fear of consequences. How much does (should) fear factor into the concept of respect?

That's the question for now, and I'm sorry to beat y'all down with this lengthy dissertation. I have a story that speaks to this, but this is too much typing already. What do you think?

[Silverback]

you don't necessarily have to respect something you fear.

[Cobraman]

Sounds like an SAT prompt. I read it all. But I'll pass lol

[racrguy]

I think if someone fears you, they don't respect you. I'm not sure what I'd call it, but respect is willfully given, not taken by force.

[Silverback]

I think if someone fears you, they don't respect you. I'm not sure what I'd call it, but respect is willfully given, not taken by force.

I disagree and agree, I think you can both fear and respect someone at the same time, but the reasons for both may or may not be the same.

Respect and fear are both earned, or given. Fear can be acquired by force, but it can also be given willfully.

[BLAKE]

you don't necessarily have to respect something you fear.

Very true. But the question is, do you have to fear something you respect, and if so, to what degree?

I think if someone fears you, they don't respect you. I'm not sure what I'd call it, but respect is willfully given, not taken by force.

I want to buy into this, I really do. It just seems to me, despite my own wishes, that there is some (forgive the term) "fear factor" involved. That said, I'm not sure there is "true respect" without having "mutual respect".

[Silverback]

No you don't have to fear something you respect.

Take it like this. I respect Paul/Elvis as a friend and a father, but I don't fear him in any way. I'm not afraid of him. But as I've gotten to know him, the way he handles himself and his family has earned my respect.

And I respect my parents, albeit at times I was afraid of the punishment I may have received growing up, or I feared disappointing them, but never was I actually afraid of my parents.

[idrivea4banger]

R.e.s.p.e.c.t find out what it means it to me!!!

[racrguy]

I disagree and agree, I think you can both fear and respect someone at the same time, but the reasons for both may or may not be the same.

Respect and fear are both earned, or given. Fear can be acquired by force, but it can also be given willfully.

I want to buy into this, I really do. It just seems to me, despite my own wishes, that there is some (forgive the term) "fear factor" involved. That said, I'm not sure there is "true respect" without having "mutual respect".

I should have been more clear. Respect out of fear is not respect, it's fear. For instance, if I fear a person, I do not respect them, plain and simple. I can not want to disappoint them, but I wouldn't call that fear. Fear, IMO, is when a person may cause physical or mental harm to someone, and you worry about that happening, or what may trigger that to happen.

What I'm typing makes sense to me, if it's gibberish to you, let me know and I'll try to explain it better.

[Silverback]

I should have been more clear. Respect out of fear is not respect, it's fear. For instance, if I fear a person, I do not respect them, plain and simple. I can not want to disappoint them, but I wouldn't call that fear. Fear, IMO, is when a person may cause physical or mental harm to someone, and you worry about that happening, or what may trigger that to happen.

What I'm typing makes sense to me, if it's gibberish to you, let me know and I'll try to explain it better.

I guess it depends on the circumstance. In martial arts I both feared and respected certain people, so I can see both existing in certain circumstances, say as a professional fighter, or even in the military.

[racrguy]

I guess it depends on the circumstance. In martial arts I both feared and respected certain people, so I can see both existing in certain circumstances, say as a professional fighter, or even in the military.

Right, but you didn't respect them because you feared them, correct?

[Silverback]

Right, but you didn't respect them because you feared them, correct?

both really in that situation, I think that was one of the instances where fear and respect were based on mutual reasons.

[onjacks]

If your a good person, you should get respect. Period!

People that just "do" for others without any hidden reason,deserve respect. Most of the close minded people in this fd up world walk around commanding it, by being a holes & high horse riders.

The few that dont are gonna realize one day that it doesn't matter if its gotten, but thats it given. I for one could give a fk if im respected by others.

To much of this so called "respect" is based on status, money, Jealousy, social power, etc.

Not really a wikipeda on the word, but , whatever

[racrguy]

both really in that situation, I think that was one of the instances where fear and respect were based on mutual reasons.

That's odd. I've never been in a situation even close to similar, I either respected them or I didn't, I can't recall the last time I've feared anyone. I must ponder this for a while to see where I'd place myself, or my stance on that type of issue.

[BLAKE]

No you don't have to fear something you respect.

This is the kind of thoughtful response I was counting on.

Take it like this. I respect Paul/Elvis as a friend and a father, but I don't fear him in any way. I'm not afraid of him. But as I've gotten to know him, the way he handles himself and his family has earned my respect.

Fantastic example, I totally get it. I'm familiar with what you're getting at, and it plays well into the discussion.

What I'm focusing on here, I think, is the motivational driver behind response by those that you need respect from.

--Again, about to type too much.--

Here's the thing I was going to reference before I typed too much last time:

Last week, me and a bunch of the guys from work went to see a movie after work. I am the last guy to pick a fight, but at the same time, I don't suffer fools well. I view this as a character flaw to some degree, but it's the way I am. Family of 6 (parents, 9 month old infant, grandparents of the baby, and what I assume to be the bro/sis/in-law couple of two twenty-somethings.

Baby cries through the whole movie (Cowboys and Aliens), and I say "next time, leave the kid at home, ok?" on the way out. Apparently this was a grievous mistake, as it manifested itself as me and my boys discussing the movie + an insane grandmother who loves to cuss and a 20-something kid that's dying to prove himself if it weren't for his 120# girlfriend doing a Herculean job of holding him back.

I think I handled it in a diplomatic way, which was to assure the patriarch (Grandfather) that he didn't want to tangle with me, and Mr. Cockstrong kid got to cry into his pillow that night while his girlfriend reassured him that he would have fucked that jerk up. No punches were thrown, egos were left relatively in tact. All the while their whole argument was that I "blamed an innocent baby that didn't know any better". Rest assured, they left there knowing that the real argument was that I was challenging their judgment in bringing a baby to a scary-ass action movie. I'm sure they learned nothing from the experience though.

And I respect my parents, albeit at times I was afraid of the punishment I may have received growing up, or I feared disappointing them, but never was I actually afraid of my parents.

This also resonates with me. My dad is a bigger man than me (in many ways) though he could always crush my hand in his, up to this day (and he's 65), that's not why I respect him. It has more to do with his expectations of me, and living up to what I perceive my potential to me (because of my parents), that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, and equal credit goes to my bad ass mom.