Is it ever okay to tell your son his father is a POS?

[BlackSnake]

I'm very well aware of how this works, and the risk I took in asking any opinions here....especially with the lack of other Friday drama. I may have only posted here for the past few months, but I've heard the stories for years. You men are worse than hens at a pecking party. ;-)

[scootro]

He's 40. I'm in my early 30's.

oh i see thanks

[txstangnut]

As some one who had a mother talk shit about my father I vote no. There is NOTHING to be gained by telling him negative things about his father. If you chose to do so you could harm your relationship with son for years to come. Maybe not now but later and once that relationship is damaged it is very hard to repair.

[Smurfette]

I am a single mom also and my God it is so tempting to tell them the truth. It would be so easy to say..your father left us alone without power and traveled the world eating steak and screwing around..BUT as everyone else has stated YOU have to be the bigger person. It sucks and it's not fair but being a true parent sometimes means taking the hard road. I choose not to say bad things about my ex or his family (even though it is common knowledge that they suck) because regardless of what he does to them or how much he lets them down..he is still their father. It sucks every time my kids come home spouting negative crap my ex says about my family. I refuse to stoop to that level..it's silly and childish. For me personally..I take comfort in the fact that their soon to be stepfather is 10 times the man that their father could ever dream of being and love him for caring enough about me and them to step up and be a role model. Your son will figure it out..if you talk bad about his father (no matter how big of a sob he is) it will only make your son resent you later.






And yes..bring on the mmmm steak replies

[jdgregory84]

IMO, it's not ok. Raise the child and he/she will eventually figure that type of shit out on their own.

[Barbie]

I would say keep your mouth shut, he'll figure it out on his own, I know I did.

X2

[Denny]

I would say keep your mouth shut, he'll figure it out on his own, I know I did.

And when the child does, his/her convictions of that finding are so much stronger. One thing you MUST do is prepare yourself to respond to the child's new found discovery because like it or not, it will be a devistating blow to the kid.

Get ready to support and reassure your child or conclusions about everyone else will be drawn.

[davbrucas]

No.

Allow him to form his own opinions without your cynical and jaded input. Parents being speaking negatively about one another in front of their children will not nurture a healthy psychology for the child. All it does is provide you with temporary solace by venting your grievances to someone who will listen. That someone does not need to be a 12 y/o kid. It will make you feel better, but be detrimental to the child. As he grows older he will be able to make his own determinations as to the character (or lack of) his father. Allow him that opportunity to do so at his own time.

Be the bigger person and purge your grievances to a friend or family member, or even a therapist. This will be the best course of action, if you truly love your child.

Remember, your feelings about his father are emotionally charged. You are entitled to your anger. Sounds quite justified. However, Find another set of ears. There are no shortage of dead beat dads out there, but don't visit your angst on the kid. It might just cause him confusion and anxiety. It's actually selfish on the part of the parent. IMO.

I agree. Well put Tim.

[SEB]

I dont agree with that one bit! I have a 4 year old daughter & if her mother was telling her I was a piece of shit. I have to honestly say I would be done with you all together & we wouldn't speak unless it concerned our child.

Also I think you will just make your son have bad feeling towards you considering it is his Dad & EVERY BOY NEEDS A MAN IN HIS LIFE. Its how boys become MEN! Dont take that from him.

If you want to convey your frustrations. When your son wants to go on a field trip at school or do a sport. Tell your son. Ask your Dad if he will help pay for it. That way if it is your son asking it will touch his Dads concious if he has one which I was told in life to let my concious be my guidence.

[ceyko]

Remember ladies, bad husbands don't always make bad fathers. So, if you do have to talk about it - keep the two aspects separate.

According to the stories in this thread though - the men are bad at both. Just remember to keep the two jobs separate. They've already been terminated as husbands, so be sure you're not confusing the two roles in your life that you're expecting the dudes to meet.

Otherwise, I agree with everything posted about not telling. Even if he is a bad father now, he may shape up in a few years (that 14-18 y/o age is where you'd like the true father to be around and helping a little) and then he (son) may wonder "WTF" in regards to what you've been saying. Also, remember kids can be very forgiving - way more then us adults. They are kids and generally want everyone to just get along.

[Cooter]

conscience

[BlackSnake]

conscience

con science

[Big A]

I dont agree with that one bit! I have a 4 year old daughter & if her mother was telling her I was a piece of shit. I have to honestly say I would be done with you all together & we wouldn't speak unless it concerned our child.

Also I think you will just make your son have bad feeling towards you considering it is his Dad & EVERY BOY NEEDS A MAN IN HIS LIFE. Its how boys become MEN! Dont take that from him.

If you want to convey your frustrations. When your son wants to go on a field trip at school or do a sport. Tell your son. Ask your Dad if he will help pay for it. That way if it is your son asking it will touch his Dads concious if he has one which I was told in life to let my concious be my guidence.

Your case is a bit different from hers in that from what you post on here, it seems like you are trying to be a good father, and aren't a deadbeat like the OP's ex. I your babby's momma is badmouthing you as a father, that's even worse than if Jen were to, she definitely needs to grow up and seperate her relationship with you and your relationship with your daughter, like Ceyko said.

con science

Having a conscience is against science?

[thesource]

If the boys old man is a POS, he will figure it out on his own. Don't give him a reason to resent you by making the comment no matter how much you'd like to. Its a losing situation.

[Sean88gt]

If the boys old man is a POS, he will figure it out on his own. Don't give him a reason to resent you by making the comment no matter how much you'd like to. Its a losing situation.

Agreed. My mother in law would constantly tell my lil' brother in law what a sack of shit his dad was. The kid didn't foster a relationship (which is a good thing) with his dad at all from 11yrs old to current. I don't think he has talked to him in 10 years.

BUT, he has a very distant relationship from his mom and sees here only at holidays that he feels he is obligated to go to. They live 20 min away from each other.