Is it ever okay to tell your son his father is a POS?

[War Machine]

yea why not

[Treasure Chest]

My step son is now 18. His sperm donor was not in his life at all from age 3-15. For his 14th birthday, he wanted to see his bio. We are close with the sperm donor's parents, but the donor has always been "embarrassed" about his role and always been in hiding.

After this miraculous meeting, my step son has kind of become buddies with his bio. Not a father figure by any stretch, but more of a buddy.

Even though I think the bio (who has never paid a dime and broken many promises of late for visits, school clothes, etc) is a raging POS, I've never said one cross word about him.

It may take time, but the parenthesis statement above will show in time. You won't have to tell him anything negative about his biological dad. He'll figure it out, and he'll think more of you when he does.

Trust me. It's taken until he's now 18, but he's not even talking to him on the phone much anymore over the past 6mo since several promises have been broken.

It was very cut and dried when I was little and asked my grandparents why I didn't have a father. The response was: We stripped him of his paternal rights when you were 6 months old and he was told that he'd be shot on sight if he showed his face here, again.

[Your Name Here]

I have never spoken ill of my ex in front of our 12 yr old son, and I've never thought I would, but I'm getting to a point of not being able to keep my mouth shut any longer.

When I met him, he was just out of the airforce, had a decent job, ect, but soon after we married, that all went to shit, and we divorced within the year.

He hasn't held down a job in years, hardly pays child support, is deep in arrears, his wife pays all of their bills, but his saving grace was that he saw his son every weekend. He's not a father, he's always acted like more of a big brother or a buddy, and my son absolutely idolizes him. This sucks because he's not the example of a man that I want for my child, and I already see similar patterns of lacking work ethic, and lack of personal responsibility. To add to it, he's only seeing him about once a month now, and leaving it up to me to explain why. The reason is because he's been in and out of the hospital, claiming that he thinks he has MS, or he thinks he's in liver failure, or some other random bullshit excuse for not getting a job....all of his labs, CT Scans, MRIs are normal, and no one can find anything wrong with him.

I'm on the quick end of losing my patience and telling him that his father is useless and that he should in no way attempt to emulate someone who's never had himself CLOSE to together in the 40 years he's been on this planet. I've always attempted to set and example, and surround him with positive male role models with goals and ambition, but he doesn't get it.

Among the guys in my life, there seems to be a heavier weight among the opinion that nothing should be said, he'll figure it out when he gets older, but I'm skeptical that he'll ever figure it out, and the thought of raising a lazy ass fuck is enough to make me want to shoot kittens.

WOW. Military and doesn't know how to muster up and get his ass to work. That's all I know how to do. Even on weekends im up and busy by 6am. Your going to have to bite your lip about his father and YOU gotta introduce in to his life a strong work ethic or he will be screwed for life. Don't bring "REAL MEN" in around him that is for your own motives. Take him around MEN that you are not sexualy intimate with, He will pick up on that and think his father is being replaced. Make him spent time with Grandpa/uncle ext ext. Or beat his ass like my father did me. The roles were reversed with me I was raised by my Father and learned everything but compassion, and relationships suffer because of that. Uncomassionate asshole Travis

[Treasure Chest]

WOW. Military and doesn't know how to muster up and get his ass to work. That's all I know how to do. Even on weekends im up and busy by 6am. Your going to have to bite your lip about his father and YOU gotta introduce in to his life a strong work ethic or he will be screwed for life. Don't bring "REAL MEN" in around him that is for your own motives. Take him around MEN that you are not sexualy intimate with, He will pick up on that and think his father is being replaced. Make him spent time with Grandpa/uncle ext ext. Or beat his ass like my father did me. The roles were reversed with me I was raised by my Father and learned everything but compassion, and relationships suffer because of that. Uncomassionate asshole Travis

His dad was the type who would change his number so he couldn't get called in on his time off....at least he used to brag that he did that.

As for not having men I've been intimate with around him, he's only known two; his ex-stepfather who is the father of his little brother and sister, and is still active in his life, and my fiancé. I don't believe in bringing men in and out of my kids' lives.

Anyone other man has been related to him or an authority figure in his extra curricular activities.

[Your Name Here]

His dad was the type who would change his number so he couldn't get called in on his time off....at least he used to brag that he did that.

As for not having men I've been intimate with around him, he's only known two; his ex-stepfather who is the father of his little brother and sister, and is still active in his life, and my fiancé. I don't believe in bringing men in and out of my kids' lives.

Anyone other man has been related to him or an authority figure in his extra curricular activities.

Maybe its Genetic then. Take everything away and make him work for what he gets. Only give him food shelter and love. everything else is earned by pushing a mower. Every toy or scar I earned myself

[Ruffdaddy]

I'm gonna get flamed hardcore, but are you saying you're Almost on your third marriage in your early thirties? Who is in the kids life as a positive male role model for more than a few years? Grandparents at least?

[Samhain]

I'm gonna get flamed hardcore, but are you saying you're Almost on your third marriage in your early thirties? Who is in the kids life as a positive male role model for more than a few years? Grandparents at least?

Friday drama... Better late than never.

[Big A]

I didn't care for the mudslinging that both of my parents did at each other through their divorce and the years thereafter. It was usually the truth with a little extra venom mixed in, but no kid likes to hear bad things about their parents, especially from the other parent.

I eventually grew up and was able to form my own opinions, and see them both for who they really are, but it certainly cast a dark shadow in my mind over the institution of marriage in general.

If he asks about specific events or situations don't lie, but I wouldn't necessrily point out the negatives that he may or may not realize, such as child support, until he is much older and able to understand exactly why things have happened beyond "my daddy doesn't love me."

Kids need all of the love and support that they can get growing up, that way they can have a positive outlook on life as spend the rest of their adult lives experience the negatives that life can bring.

[Treasure Chest]

I'm gonna get flamed hardcore, but are you saying you're Almost on your third marriage in your early thirties? Who is in the kids life as a positive male role model for more than a few years? Grandparents at least?

Yes. I divorced his father when he was a few months old, and his step father has been in his life since he was 2.5. He'll be 13 next month. My ex and I are still close friends and he's still involved in his life.

[CexMashean]

Don't you have 3 kids that have different dads?

[Treasure Chest]

Don't you have 3 kids that have different dads?

I have one by my first husband and two by my second.

[BlackSnake]

So you have 3 daddies 2 kids...3 kids 2 1/2 daddies and a new commer...what?

[Treasure Chest]

So you have 3 daddies 2 kids...3 kids 2 1/2 daddies and a new commer...what?

I have 2 ex husbands and 3 kids. The story has never changed. The "newcomer" is someone I've been close friends with since I was a kid.

[BlackSnake]

I have 2 ex husbands and 3 kids. The story has never changed. The "newcomer" is someone I've been close friends with since I was a kid.

You don't owe me a explanation. I'm just givin you a hard time. Take the info you have already received and run with it. Most of it is pretty sound. Any thing from here on is pure entertainment. Prolly the only warning you will receive.

[Treasure Chest]

You don't owe me a explanation. I'm just givin you a hard time. Take the info you have already received and run with it. Most of it is pretty sound. Any thing from here on is pure entertainment. Prolly the only warning you will receive.

I'm very well aware of how this works, and the risk I took in asking any opinions here....especially with the lack of other Friday drama. I may have only posted here for the past few months, but I've heard the stories for years. You men are worse than hens at a pecking party. ;-)