Sex education in school....How to talk to a 12 yr old ?

[thebeave]

If this program he is going through is called "Game Plan" then it really is a great program to educate kids, I taught it for two years to Jr. High students. The book has different activities that actually task the kids to interact with their parents. That might be a good ice breaker for you and your son since he is already talking about it in school.

[Mike]

If this program he is going through is called "Game Plan" then it really is a great program to educate kids, I taught it for two years to Jr. High students. The book has different activities that actually task the kids to interact with their parents. That might be a good ice breaker for you and your son since he is already talking about it in school.

LOL, perfect name for this topic.

[SS Junk]

Buy him a stack of porn and lock him in his room, he'll figure it out.

Found out what a lady garden truly looked like via my Dad's Hustler magazine. I was pleasantly surprised.

[shumpertdavid]

If he's 12, he's most likely had numerous conversations about sex with his buddies, or at least what they think sex is. Teaching Abstinence is a good thing, but unfortunately only a small percentage will follow it, teaching responsibility will be very important. My dad had the birds an bees talk with me around 11 or 12 best I remember. There had been plenty of talk about girls and such at school and on the school bus long before that. Around 15 he proceeded to give me some condoms, like stated above it's not rocket science. With today's trends, waiting until he's 15 could be dangerous considering kids are starting at 12 and 13 commonly. My ex-coworker is a youth minister at a local church and it amazes me how young in age kids do things compared to when I was in school which wasn't that long ago.

On another note, I've had a nephew now for 4 and half years, my youngest sister had him just before her 16 Bday, I have to say she's been a great mom considering. My mom had her on birthcontrol, for acne/ period regulation which I call bs on. Point is, didn't do much good when she didn't take it.

I think explaining being responsible will go a long way, oh and "don't keep them in your wallet", "store in high heat areas", blah blah blah.

DEFINITELY explain that the pull and shoot method is not a safety, I can't believe the amount of 20+ age people that still think that is a viable method. Also that sperm can live up to 5 days inside the woman and that it only takes 1 out of the millions to fertilize the egg so the chances of pregnancy are super high. Also precum is more potent than ejaculate so no "just a couple pokes then I'll put it on"

Good luck

[stinginstang]

I'd reinforce to not rely on "her" (pill, diaphragm, etc),

Do women still use diaphragms?


It sounds like you've had some conversations about sex with your son, or did you just tell him you could talk about it? I have a 14 year old and we've always been really casual when talking about sex. It's hard NOT to see something sexually suggestive on TV or on the radio. I would ask him if he knew what the reference was to and explain it as the situations came up. It would seem quite odd and unnatural to have a sit down talk with cue cards and whatnot to explain it all.

[Ruffdaddy]

I still think teaching abstinence or telling your kid in any way that sex is wrong will only drive him to hide it making him afraid to buy condoms and do it properly. The only reason I true hiding so much and chancing shot was because of the super religious stance my mom had.

[Treasure Chest]

Do women still use diaphragms?

When I asked my gynecologist about it several years ago, he responded, "Sure, diaphragms are great! In my 30 years of practice, I've never seen a pregnant drawer."

[shumpertdavid]

^^^^^^^ greatness^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Broncojohnny]

Nothing says I love you like using your foot to shove a chicks head in the toilet while railing her from the back like a roughneck on his first prospecting claim!

"While I have been accused of being a gentleman, I have never been accused of being a gentle man"

[Kyle]

My Dad basically just said, 'you better not be having sex, and if you do, you BETTER be using a condom'. That being said, I took the "BETTER use a condom" thing to heart, but it had some flaws. The few tips that would have helped me out:

1). I lost my virginity at 15 (girlfriend was 14). Your son probably already knows someone at 12 who talks about it and has done it so the more accurate information he gets from you the better.
2). Reinforce that girls can get pregnant even with no penetration (just rubbing).
3). At least explain to him to pinch the the tip of the condom and hold it to keep air out of the reservoir as he rolls it on, I didn't know that for a while. Maybe there are some drawings (or videos with fruit, etc) on the internet to help take away the awkwardness.
4). Make sure he knows, condoms DO break. The second time I had sex, the condom broke and I had no idea why it felt so much better until I was finished. I lost 10 pounds over the next 20 days waiting for my girlfriend to have her period worried literally sick I got her pregnant.
5). I wanted sex bad enough to go through the embarrassment of buying condoms, but I didn't want to mill around the condom isle either so I'd grab something and run. Make sure he knows they come in different sizes, I ended up with Magnums one time.
6). Let him know some STDs are permanent, and you can still get them from oral sex.

I know some of the above is obvious, but it never hurts to reinforce.

This is pretty much the best advice on here so far. It's pretty much what I was going to say. My dad basically sat me down at 15 and said "I'm not going to encourage you to have sex, but ultimately there is going to come a time that you have to make a decision." From there he went on and told me that having sex is also about being responsible. If I was going to do it that I needed to be aware that pregnancy is a real concern and could ruin my life as well as the girlfriend's too. He asked that if I was going to have sex to please use condoms b/c he didn't want to be a Grandfather at an early age and that I should consider the consequences of possibly not going to college and getting to live like the rest of my friends if I was to get a girl pregnant. He basically did his best to drive the point home, but tried not to beat the topic to death.

Having an idea of how a condom works rather than letting him figure out the "tricks" would be helpful. It took me a while as well to figure out the air thing and it definitely made an improvement. Having the air in it makes it much more likely to break. From time to time he needs to check to make sure it isn't getting pulled off. If anything feels different then its time to stop real quick and make sure it didn't break. You can't always feel it. If one does break make sure she gets the broken piece or pieces out if any... as it can cause her problems. Remind him that he is responsible for all parts of having sex, even the awkward stuff.

I would also suggest the spermicide lubricant condoms (I used the Trojans in the blue box). A buddy's older brother actually told me about them one time when I was about 17 otherwise at that point I had no idea. I was just buying what ever was quick and was getting the fuck outta there. Make sure your son knows that yes it will be embarrassing the first couple of times. If anyone even notices that he is holding a box of condoms at the check out line, then more than likely they are only thinking "what a responsible young man he is" for making the right decision. When it comes time, you may buy him a box so he knows what to look for later when he has to buy them himself.

Just remind him that some STD's are forever. Condoms greatly reduce the risk of most of the more serious stuff. Even though he will probably be hooking up with other girls his age, let him know that it doesn't mean they are "clean." When I was in high school, there were several girls in my freshman class that came up with the herp from senior guys that had been sleeping around. One girl had it on her face which was a little funny, but I digress. HPV was something that we never learned about and now something like 1 in 4 people have it. There are lots of people I know now that have it and attribute it to their late high school and early college explorations so let him know that there is stuff out there.

Otherwise, just strap in and enjoy the ride. All you can do is point him in the right direction as a parent and hope that what you told him stays with him!

[blue5spd]

My parents never had "the talk" with me and I somehow managed never to knock a girl up.

[bcoop]

Matt and Damon both have valid points. I think the only wrong way to approach it is to not talk about it at all. Trust me, you're stressing too much over this. I just had to have the "Your mom is a crack whore, and that's why she hasn't been around for your entire life" talk with Kenny. I was all worked up over it, and it went far better than I ever thought it would. Not the same, but still an uncomfortable conversation to have with a 9 yr old.

[Snatch Napkin]

My Dad basically just said, 'you better not be having sex, and if you do, you BETTER be using a condom'. That being said, I took the "BETTER use a condom" thing to heart, but it had some flaws. The few tips that would have helped me out:

1). I lost my virginity at 15 (girlfriend was 14). Your son probably already knows someone at 12 who talks about it and has done it so the more accurate information he gets from you the better.
2). Reinforce that girls can get pregnant even with no penetration (just rubbing).
3). At least explain to him to pinch the the tip of the condom and hold it to keep air out of the reservoir as he rolls it on, I didn't know that for a while. Maybe there are some drawings (or videos with fruit, etc) on the internet to help take away the awkwardness.
4). Make sure he knows, condoms DO break. The second time I had sex, the condom broke and I had no idea why it felt so much better until I was finished. I lost 10 pounds over the next 20 days waiting for my girlfriend to have her period worried literally sick I got her pregnant.
5). I wanted sex bad enough to go through the embarrassment of buying condoms, but I didn't want to mill around the condom isle either so I'd grab something and run. Make sure he knows they come in different sizes, I ended up with Magnums one time.
6). Let him know some STDs are permanent, and you can still get them from oral sex.

I know some of the above is obvious, but it never hurts to reinforce.

This is great advice.

He needs to know to pinch the reservoir tip and to use water based lubricants when necessary. It would be a good decision to use spermicidal lubricated condoms.

I usually present these types of conversations with a few key facts (keeping it minimal with one main subject) and allow that to sink in so that they will have questions. Once I feel they have adequately understood what I just said, then I move to the next block of information and repeat.

When the quandary of pre-marital sex comes up, my response will be two parted. I explain the benefits of abstinence first. Then I explain the benefits of having a profound knowledge of the inner workings of great sex.

[ceyko]

w/o reading the other posts - stick with the basics and porn will teach him the rest. Just vital that kids understand how easy it is to get hung up after getting a girl pregnant.

[Silverback]

This is great advice.

He needs to know to pinch the reservoir tip and to use water based lubricants when necessary. It would be a good decision to use spermicidal lubricated condoms.

I usually present these types of conversations with a few key facts (keeping it minimal with one main subject) and allow that to sink in so that they will have questions. Once I feel they have adequately understood what I just said, then I move to the next block of information and repeat.

When the quandary of pre-marital sex comes up, my response will be two parted. I explain the benefits of abstinence first. Then I explain the benefits of having a profound knowledge of the inner workings of great sex.

I think some of these can be split up between a 12 year old talk, and an 18-21 year old talk. Some of that I don't think a 12 year old really needs to know, but allowing him to openly ask and being ready to answer with solid information is key.