Wierd stuff at work?

[Rreemo]

It's the IT business....I could write a damned book about all the weird shit I've seen here over the past 14 years.

Some of the top that I recall....

- "The Feces Bandit" - A few times a week someone was smearing shit all over a stall wall in the men’s room. This went on for a while before security stood up some investigation by monitoring who was going in and out of that bathroom. Didn't take long before they figured it out, and come to find out it wasn't an intentional act...it was this nasty fucker that was so absurdly fat, that he was having to use the stall walls to leverage (hoist) himself up and off of the toilet....all the while wiping his ass against the wall (which we were pretty sure was all the wiping that it got too....they eventually noticed his desk chair was causing a foul smell on the floor too).

- "The Old Perv" - On the nightshift...old creepy guy that apparently was spotted on several occasions standing at a urinal with his pants around his ankles for extended period of time....jerking off in the urinal....later fired for watching porn while talking to customers.

- "Suicide by Police" - Neighbors call police about a nude guy in his front yard waving a gun and yelling at passing cars - cops show up, guy threatens them with gun, cops shoot him dead. Turns out he was one of ours who had called in sick that day.

- "The Bomber" - Raghead showed up to work every single day carrying a radio, would sit it on his desk in the same spot...no one ever saw him turn it on, and he freaked out when anyone asked him about it and/or got near it. He was always angry too. Later fired for "performance issues", but security also had posters with his face on it by the entry/exit doors.

- "The Rapist" - This one hit close to home for me. I have a party at my house every year around Christmas time...usually invite several folks from work. There was a guy that always seemed pretty cool, but everyone had noticed that he got into working out and bulked up WAY faster than normal. He was at my party when a good friends girlfriend (who is an ER nurse) grabbed me and pulled me aside asking who he was and how I knew him....long/short, turns out that he had taken a friend of hers (another nurse) out for a date....she wasn't planning to put out at the end of the night, but his plans (and roid rage) didn't coincide....she ended up beaten and raped. I provided the info on where to find him and the Police showed up at our office early Monday morning and arrested him in front of everyone.

Most recent....

Not unusual I am sure, but as a manager I am sick and tired of seeing these people who feel so damned entitled and for some reason feel like you are asking them to murder someone when you expect them to just do their job. These people get paid/compensated very well, but yet spend more time and cycles trying to get out of doing work than what the work itself would require. All the while moaning about how overloaded they are, etc. Apparently not knowing that those of us who are running the orgs know exactly who is doing what (and the ones who post on facebook all day long). This seems WAY worse with younger (generation Y) folks...and within the male employee population...but certainly not limited there. Then they don't seem to understand why we would ever rate them lower than everyone else when review time comes around...or why these big companies are outsourcing these jobs to other low-cost markets.

[jluv]

My old boss (who still works here) is like 60, but looks 80. He drops his pants AND his drawers to his ankles at the urinal, and leans forward and puts his forehead on the wall. Sometimes he will hum or whistle a tune.

Then there is a chick who everyone knows does not wash her hands after using the bathroom.

Boogers all over the stalls. Really? We are professionals, and some of us are putting bloody boogs on the wall when there is TP right there?

We have 47 million handicapped spaces, and very few get used.

There must be millions wrapped up in the landscaping here, but for what? Even the alley behind the parking garage has lots of detailed landscaping that has to be kept up with. The crews are here twice a week!

[dumpycapri85]

O God where do I start . I work for the most F-ed up company on the planet and have for over 15 years . I have been in TX for about 5 years now and its not as bad but before the transfer I was the Dick of the company . I never held my tounge and most of the F-ups hated me . One of our inventory guys (orders products for 14 stores) spends most of his time playing online games while working and picking and eating whatever he can dig out of his nose . Our receptionist was a "narcoleptic" . Realy she was a 21 year old pizza faced party girl that would drink all night and fall asleep at her desk . I can't tell you how many times I slamed a phone book on her desk to scare the shit out of her and wake her up . I called her Madusa to her face and over the PA. because it looked like someone put a fire out on her face with a pich-fork . The AP girl doesn't smoke weed but is total burnt toast . She is nice as can be but my used rubbers have a higher IQ . The owner of the company is a George Castanza look alike . He has a girlfreind who is the biggest whore in town and has seen more dicks then Froot of the Loom . My wife whent to high school with her and told me they called any guys that dated her pickle dick because she gave them warts . He thinks its the best piece he has ever had and its probably all the ticklers . He at the same time spends 5k a month on hookers and tells all the salesmen if he catches any of them banging his girlfreind he will fire them . This because given the chance she would . He knows if she will F him she will F anybody . The collection chick (runs and collects all the AR) was caught stealing by the opperations manager and not fired because the owner was afraid the customers wouldn't pay there bills if she was gone . This is the second collection chick that turned out to be a total cancer to the company that he is afraid to dump . I stay for the paycheck and because I am 1500 miles away from those retards . I have learned that you don't have to be smart or good to make money and I can give 15% and be 85% ahead of any of them .

[The King]

My old boss (who still works here) is like 60, but looks 80. He drops his pants AND his drawers to his ankles at the urinal, and leans forward and puts his forehead on the wall. Sometimes he will hum or whistle a tune.

Then there is a chick who everyone knows does not wash her hands after using the bathroom.

Boogers all over the stalls. Really? We are professionals, and some of us are putting bloody boogs on the wall when there is TP right there?

We have 47 million handicapped spaces, and very few get used.

There must be millions wrapped up in the landscaping here, but for what? Even the alley behind the parking garage has lots of detailed landscaping that has to be kept up with. The crews are here twice a week!

Anytime someone's whistling in the restroom while doing their business it's weird, in my opinion.

X2 on the non-hand washing chick, we purportedly have one of those in our office.

[bcoop]

Where to even start... There is so much crazy shit, I can't even list it all. The foodservice business is overflowing with unsavory characters. Whether they are mobbed up, the bar/restaurant is a front to launder money from illicit side activities, blatant theft, etc.

At an industry show, a school cafeteria manager (and fairly attractive) was hitting on a coworker, Kept coming by the booth to make small talk, bringing him food, etc. She snagged one of his cards off the table, without him knowing. Being a customer, you have to be courteous, flirt a little, make them feel comfortable, etc. Fast forward to the next day. Show is over, and we are loading a truck to head back to Dallas from Austin. She starts texting him. Like every couple minutes. Where are you at, what are you doing, let's meet up for drinks then go back to my room, blah blah blah. He is ignoring the texts, because it's quite obvious this broad is nuts. He is also married. So, truck is loaded and we're halfway home, and this broad is still sending texts every few minutes. She doesn't get the point. So we formulated a plan. The plan was to out crazy the crazy broad. A lesson that was learned the hard way. You never try to outcrazy a crazy broad. So he finally starts responding with off the wall shit about fucking. Then came the whammy. He flat out asked her if she was going to let him shit on her chest. Her response was "Well, I'm not THAT kinky, though I've never tried it before. Why don't you just piss on me, and we'll see what happens from there." The text messages started coming faster. She couldn't get enough. He ended up having to tell our boss, and his wife about the situation. Because there was no telling what this chick might have come up with, trying to get him fired.


A former employee was once found taking a bath in the three compartment sink in our test kitchen. This is one of those industrial, giant sinks you'll find in restaurant kitchens. The sink bowls each measure 24"x24"x24". Same coworker, when couldn't be found doing his job, could be found sleeping in the boss' boat that was stored in the warehouse. We later found out there was a stretch of time where he was homeless, and that's how he lived, unbeknownst to the rest of us. Sleeping and bathing at the office. Guy NEVER had money, was always looking for a handout, etc. A year after he was fired for theft, he called up asking for handouts for him and his new wife's wedding. This guy had no shame. He was caught red handed eating another girl's lunch, with her name on the frozen dinner box, he had in his hands, he still denied that it was hers.

One guy, we're not real sure what he does. He works for a different company under the same umbrella of ownership, but in the same building as us. This guy is a bit creepy. Almost pedo bear creepy, but we have no reason to believe he's a pedophile. He's just strange. He walks around the office all day, hiding around corners to easedrop on anyone and everyone in the office. This is a former CEO of a multi million dollar worldwide company. But he hides in corners, in the shadows, and listens and stares. Gives you chills when you catch him doing it.

One associate (not coworker) is not allowed to marry in the State of Texas ever again. My boss goes through one more marriage (and he's currently engaged), and it will be the same for him. This is VERY common in this industry. Suicide rate is high as well.

I've been in business meetings where cocaine was out, on the table, and open to all before business was conducted. I've been in meetings where I was the only one in the room that wasn't armed. I'm in jails and prisons regularly, which is strange in itself. I've been in meetings that were conducted in rehab facilities. I've seen restaurants emptied out in a matter of hours. I've seen half a million dollars worth of equipment taken from military bases, among other things (Govt didn't pay, so some might call it theft, but it was more just returning the equipment to the rightful owner). I've seen people rob companies blind either by flat out not paying, closing, reopening under a new name, and I've seen a lot of embezzlement. I've seen people die on jobsites. I've seen fist fights on job sites between trades (usually plumbers and electricians). I've seen people spend every red cent they have on a venture, lose it all, and wind up living in homeless shelters or worse. That one is kind of depressing, actually.

Drugs, alcohol, and theft are huge staples of the industry. Some would say it's every bit as crooked and deadly as the drug trade itself. I could tell stories for years, that most people won't believe. But to me, it's just another day at work, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't even want to start in on the other coworkers. There's enough to fill a fucking book. Everyone has their quirks, myself included. We are a unique group, that's for sure.

[MutherjuggZ]

There's me... and my mom....

weird!!!!

[lonestarstang00]

I work with this guy from Nigeria, he is about 6'7 maybe 350 lbs kind of bulky not fat but has huge fat legs. He claims he was in the marines for 4 years and went to Iraq. He is always talking to the black people who sit around him about all his super secret missions and how he knows so much and can't tell us nothing. Also how he worked for the FBI and is always on you tube looking at military stuff. Any who about a week ago a friend and him got into it and the Nigerian started going off about his military experience and my friend asked him for his military id and that's when the nigerian started trying to change the subject lol kind of funny how he completely dropped it. The other day I was talking to the HR lady (she is cool as shit , old but cool shes a mexican lady from el paso ) and I told her what happened and she said " wwwhhhaaatttt hahahaha what military his resume or background does not say nothing about the military just a security guard for strip clubs" I feel bad for the guy Im sure he had dreams of joining the military but I think his size kept him from it. Other then that just the typical call center with the one hispanic girl who pores her entire life on facebook and that's always pregnat.

[Frank]

Weird? I work in a cream cheese and yogurt plant with Yankee hillbillies. Where do you want me to start?

I know you gotta have some stories. Probably a lot of sleeping around.

Spill it

[mstng86]

..

I smell a movie script in the works.

[YALE]

There's a ton of sleeping around. This industry tends to be all about production, at the expense of everything, so there are godawful piles of overtime, so people tend to love or hate each other. It's messy. A lot of married couples get jobs together, sleep around, and break up. Some even marry the people they were sleeping with. A dude in Stephenville was a notorious pussy hound, and he kept banging any chick that would give him the time of day. He was banging his superior, and another manager at the same time, they had a big rolling fight about it at work, and one of them drove to work on her day off to slap him. She got fired, the other chick got transferred, and he just went back to work like nothing happened. The best thing about being in management with this company are the call-in messages. We have a no-fault attendance policy, and partners can miss up to 3% of their scheduled hours. Some past gems are: "my cat had puppies," "an Emu is attacking my car and my trailer, so I'm not going outside today," and my personal favorite (so far), "I forgot to pay my life bill, so I've got to stop off at the back and make that happen. We don't want them stopping my pulse or breathing or digestion or anything, amirite? I'll be in tomorrow."

[clevelandkid]

For those that have the guy that drops his britches to take a piss - the next time you see him do it, just give him a full wind up smack on the ass - try to leave welts from your hand print. They'll probably get the hint.

I guess the most unusual one I've had was as an Ops Mgr for a 3PL. I inherited a flaming, blatant homo admin assistant that the VP wouldn't let me fire, no matter how many times he said he wanted to suck my dick. I'm not sure why they liked him so much, he spent way more time smoking than he did working. Maybe he was blowing the pres.

I had another lady on staff as a batcher, 50 something, very intelligent, former teacher. FULL BLOWN alcoholic. They wouldn't let me fire her either, and once she figured it out, she was getting her swerve on regularly. One day she did a complete dump of everything on her desk, just swiped all her files, monitor, keyboard etc off the side of the desk. She slurred "fuck it" right before she did. We called her husband to come collect her, and I had to press her against the elevator wall to keep her from falling over.

We caught her several times drinking in the parking lot on break. She would walk to the k-mart on the corner and get a bottle of that diluted 40 proof kamchatka and drink that. When we took away her "outside" privileges, she started smuggling it in her purse, even pouring it in a hair spray bottle to hide it. Eventually, she wasn't allowed to leave her desk by herself, and had to check her purse in with me every day.

One day, she broke the "outside" rule, and couldn't wait to get back to work to start drinking. She got so trashed that she passed out in a ditch walking back from k-mart, and got arrested for public intox. We were all searching for her until we got the call from the PD. You know you like to party when you're getting the cuffs at work.

I was probably the second most unusual guy there. I had my girlfriend and two girls on the side on the payroll. I spent more time getting hummers in my office and the storage room than I did actual work (and no - not from Gino the Faggatito my secretary). Almost got caught a few times, once by the VP asking why I had my door locked. I think the guys from the audit department narc'd me out. Jealous old bastards.

When I wasn't getting my rocks off, I'd go play 9 holes at lunch, and if it was a nice day, I just wouldn't go back.

The pay wasn't very good, but I miss that job now.

[bpawl]

I've reading material in this thread is epic

[stevo]

I've seen fist fights on job sites between trades (usually plumbers and electricians).

I know that shit is right. I have seen people throw down on job sites due to someone cutting a pipe or conduit or some other shit. People unplugging other peoples extension cords, using someone elses ladders, etc.


At one company I worked for, they had a single guy that drove all of the heavy equipment. One day he rolls up to a worksite about 4 hours late, when he pulls up he pulled too far off the road side, and promptly rolled the bob-tailed truck, trailer and backhoe over, pouring out about a 12 pack of beer cans. Remind you, this was a company truck. Fucker didn't get fired or anything.

This guy was a whack job, looked just like Bevis from Bevis and Butthead. Found out he named his son 'Boy' later on when he tried to get his son hired. Boy Figget, what a fucked up name.


Stevo

[Grimpala]

I've reading material in this thread is epic

WTF you just say?

[Whiteboy]

I have a coworker that touches my Butt all the time kinda freaks me out and unsure what to do about. I kinda feel like i'm in prison sometimes and i'm the bitch!