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General Mattis Crosses Potomac With 100,000 Troops; President, Senate Flee City

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  • General Mattis Crosses Potomac With 100,000 Troops; President, Senate Flee City

    WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented turn in American history, retired Marine Gen. James Mattis, several years after being dismissed by the President and exiled to his estate in the countryside, marched on the national capitol early Tuesday morning with an army over one hundred thousand strong.

    This number includes at least ten infantry legions, several aviation and artillery legions, and multiple cavalry cohorts.

    “I come in peace, by myself, in order to hand-deliver a Memorandum of Concern to the Commander in Chief and the Senate,” said Mattis in a press conference. “I am moving on foot at a leisurely pace, with no ill will. If these American citizens choose to take a stroll with me, then who am I to turn down their companionship?”

    The contents of the so-called memorandum are unknown, but are rumored by Mattis’ close advisors to contain paragraphs addressing unconstitutional acts by the administration and the Senate. Alarmed by the amassing of troops sympathetic to Mattis over the last week at Fort Myer, the Senate, the President, and various generals attempted to recall various combat divisions to Washington to defend the city.

    These included the 101st Airborne, 82nd Airborne, 10th Mountain, and 3rd Infantry Divisions, in addition to the 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force.

    “We even attempted to contact NAVSURFLANT and SUBLANT,” confided one Senate aide as he packed his Datsun to flee northward. “All we got was laughter and then static.”

    The summoned units all either ignored their movement orders, or by the next morning had joined forces with Mattis’ ad-hoc command.

    Mattis was apparently done waiting, and crossed the Potomac on landing craft, escorted by an honor guard from MARSOC. After setting fire to the National Archives and sabotaging key infrastructure, the cabinet and most members of the Senate fled north toward New York and Boston in cars, vans and whatever other vehicles they could commandeer.

    The President has not been seen since early yesterday morning, but sources inside the State Department confirm that he is on a scheduled goodwill trip to Egypt, which was kept from the press for safety reasons. His travel schedule has not been released to pool reporters.
















    Enjoy
    I wear a Fez. Fez-es are cool

  • #2
    Thought I'd seen that before..



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    • #3
      Oh you have but it's about the only thing making today bearable.
      I wear a Fez. Fez-es are cool

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      • #4
        THE PENTAGON
        AUGUST 4, 2016
        ‘Military coup’ wins poll of troops in a landslide

        THE PENTAGON — A poll of active duty and recently retired members of the armed services suggests that an overwhelming majority would prefer an armed overthrow of the government rather than see the election of either major party candidate. The poll was conducted by Quinnipiac University in the days following the Democratic convention.

        When asked whom they would vote for during the 2016 campaign, 78% of servicemembers picked “other.” Nearly all then chose “military coup” from a list of options that also included Joe Biden, Ted Cruz, Jill Stein and “a massive earthquake that wipes out life in North America.”

        When retired Marine Corps Gen. James Mattis was included on the list, he was the most popular write in. However most of those who selected him also called for him to lead the armed rebellion against the United States government.

        Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson came in a distant 3rd, but still far ahead of Republican candidate Donald Trump or Democrat Hillary Clinton, or any other option that didn’t involve the possibility of civil war.

        Senior leaders from the military services were not surprised by the poll.

        “I think it’s just young people having fun with pollster,” said Navy Secretary Ray Mabus, as he repeatedly eyed the two Marine security guards standing near his door.

        Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley was even more dismissive.

        “Soldiers are stupid,” he said with a laugh. “They’ll do anything to get attention.”

        Only Gen. Joseph Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, seemed to consider the information seriously when asked for comment.

        “It’s disturbing yes,” he said. “But I don’t think it’s as bad as everyone is making it out to be. We’ve all taken the oath to obey lawful orders and uphold the Constitution.”

        “Besides, with sequestration and all the troop cuts do you really believe we could take over our own government even if we wanted to?”

        THE PENTAGON — A poll of active duty and recently retired members of the armed services suggests that an overwhelming majority would prefer an armed overthrow of the government rather than see the election of either major party candidate.
        I wear a Fez. Fez-es are cool

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Forever_frost View Post
          Oh you have but it's about the only thing making today bearable.
          Haha, I feel you!

          On an unrelated note.. I came across this a while back on Amazon and thought you might be interested too:

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          • #6
            Hopefully he pulls a Sulla once he gets in to the city.

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