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Iran invents future telling device

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  • Iran invents future telling device

    Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (Getty Images).
    An Iranian scientist says he has invented technology that will allow users to look at least eight years into the future, The Telegraph reports.

    Ali Razeghi, 27, registered “The Aryayek Time Traveling Machine” with the state-run Centre for Strategic Inventions, the report adds.

    The Tehran scientist told the Fars state news agency that his device can “predict the future in a print out after taking readings from the touch of a user,” adding that it uses a set of complex algorithms to “predict five to eight years of the future life of any individual, with 98 percent accuracy.”

    Razeghi, the managing director of Iran’s Centre for Strategic Inventions, has about 179 other inventions listed in his name.

    “I have been working on this project for the last 10 years,” he said. “My invention easily fits into the size of a personal computer case and can predict details of the next 5-8 years of the life of its users. It will not take you into the future, it will bring the future to you.”

    The scientist says Iran’s leaders can use his device to predict future military confrontations or fluctuations in global currencies and oil prices.

    “Naturally a government that can see five years into the future would be able to prepare itself for challenges that might destabilize it,” he said. “As such we expect to market this invention among states as well as individuals once we reach a mass production stage.”

    Razeghi claims friends and family have given him a hard time for “trying to play God” with his time device.

    “This project is not against our religious values at all. The Americans are trying to make this invention by spending millions of dollars on it where I have already achieved it by a fraction of the cost,” he said. “The reason that we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight.”

    Those darn Chinese.

    I wear a Fez. Fez-es are cool

  • #2
    ===Classified Portion of Future Telling Device===

    All test subjects seem to receive the same result on every print out.

    "SiO2"

    Investigators have found no error in the system algorithm at this point.

    Chemists for the ministry suspect it has something to do with common glass, but are unsure of the exact meaning or message conveyed....

    =======================================

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    • #3
      The Magic 8 ball is probably more accurate

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      • #4
        I predict many future stupid stories from the Blaze.

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        • #5



          I guess they're planning to buy a sports almanac?
          When the government pays, the government controls.

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          • #6
            How does something so fucking ridiculous and absurd end up on a countries official press release? Can you imagine how many peoples desk this came across and they thought it was a good idea to release?
            "When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." -Benjamin Franklin
            "A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury." -Alexander Fraser Tytler

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            • #7
              Brilliant!! Once everyone has one of these devices, we can expect a time warp. Everyone's futures will continually change at a rate so fast we should skip a decade in a day.

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              • #8
                LMAO! I like the way you think SN

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                • #9
                  Seems legit.

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                  • #10
                    When Ronnie Raygun was beating the Ruskies down in the Cold War arms race, they went broke trying to keep up. They resorted to BS tactics in black market scams. Out of nowhere, it seemed a team of Russian and East German scientists invented a chemical that could create nuclear fusion without the fission process. Basically bypassing everything to produce a nuclear explosion by just making it react. It makes no sense to someone that knows how a nuke works, but as soon as word spread about it, buyers were lined up instantly. Street value was $100K-$300K an ounce. Just think, a terrorist would be able to build the world's cheapest multi megaton nuke in something about the size of a suitcase.

                    Needless to say, Russian snake oil salesmen made many sales throughout the Middle East, Europe and Africa.

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