"I hit my wife for the first time"...

[BajaBob]

I am finding it really hard to believe these are real people on this forum. Whether it is or not, what the 'eff!? You really need to read through the actual pages to get the full mind-f***-effect, but I've posted the beginning of the 519 post thread for those of you blocked by a firewall.

The actual thread: LandOverBaptist.net

OP: "I hit my wife for the first time"

Or maybe I should say God did. This morning my wife went to take a shower and I figured it'd be a good time to go into the hallway closet and have a quick prayer session. After I finished I went into the bedroom and she was putting her makeup on. She asked where I was and I told her I was working in the garage and she said I checked the garage and you weren't in there. I told her I must have been in the corner where she couldn't see me.

She asked if everything was ok, and that she noticed I had ordered a Bible from Amazon. I told her that I was reconsidering my views on God and there were going to be some changes in our house. I told her that she was going to have to leave or sell her company, we were going to start going to Church and she was to stay home to cook, clean and homeschool the kids. And keep in mind the whole time she's looking at me like I'm crazy and I'm feeling disrespected in my own house. I got around to Halloween and how we would not be observing it anymore and that pumpkin pies were not to be made anymore. I told her it had to stop.

She looked me in the eye and said "Are you out of your mind?!?" and that's when God himself spoke to me and said "This is your house, I am your God and she is your wife, CONTROL HER!"

I'm ashamed to admit it but I hesitated, I didn't know what to do. That's when I felt Him enter my body and felt my hand raise up from my side. The back of my hand connected with her cheek and she screamed "What the f@*% is wrong with you?!!!" Again, as if acting on it's own my arm swung out again and hit her in the face and she was silent, crying on the bed where she had fell.

After a few moments I asked her if she understood the changes we would be making and she nodded yes, never looking up at me. I said "Good, now I've worked up an appetite, why don't you go make some lunch." She replied that we didn't have anything to make and asked if she could go to the store and I said that was fine. She then asked if she could take the kids with her as they haven't been outside all day and that it would give me some peace and quiet to study my Bible.

I feel our talk was very productive and that she understands her role as she asked me permission to leave the house. And I feel overjoyed that God himself entered me and filled me with his Love and showed me firsthand how to deal with a disobedient wife. But most importantly I feel I have the proof I've spent my whole life searching for. God took control of my body and spoke to me personally!! I feel so blessed that he chose to reveal himself to me.

The wife should be home any minute now, she's been gone an hour and a half, I don't know what's taking her so long. I guess we were very low on food so she had a lot to buy. Thanks for reading, I just wanted to share the progress I've made!

Well Praise Jesus it sounds like you and the missus are off to a great start in walking the path of Christ. Just remember, you don't owe her any explanations.

Brother McManus, I'll be praying for you and your wife. Also I wanted to give you a little bit of advice. Instead of going into your prayer closet while your wife is showering, you should be monitoring her to make sure that she doesn't fall into Satan's arms while she's soaping herself up in there.

Congratulations on getting married today!


You two have a lot to look forwrd to in the coming years.

Truly a heartwarming story! Praise God!

Some womans overreact after the first beatings. It is possible that she tries somethings stupid.

Originally Posted by Joseph McManus
The wife should be home any minute now, she's been gone an hour and a half, I don't know what's taking her so long. I guess we were very low on food so she had a lot to buy.

What a wonderful beginning! Might I offer an idea, in case she should make a habit of being slow in her grocery shopping (and beatings do not seem to speed her up to a satisfactory pace)? A few of the mothers of the boys in my youth group have been requiring "behavior belts" be worn when attending youth outings. It is incredibly frustrating to me, as it's a sign that they may not be behaving at home as they promised me they would. Maybe they need a firm hand to discipline them until they submit or maybe they just need to understand that no one believes their dirty little lies and that Jesus hates a snitch and if they can't understand that, a few nights in a custom-built counseling chamber in a hot attic can fix their little errors in judgment and beat a sense of respect and fear into their tiny little filthy boy-hearts.

Anyway, they make them for women as well. I'm sure other members of the LBC forums can offer you their expertise with this technology. Shout Glory!

Pooled In The Blood Of Christ Jesus,
Harry Lester

[slow06]

Has to be from The Onion...

[The King]

If it's on the innernet (sic) it's automatically factual by default.

[Sean88gt]

Sounds like hilarious satire.

[ceyko]

I'd laugh, a lot if there was not a chance of it being real.

[Avery'sDad]

I am finding it really hard to believe these are real people on this forum. Whether it is or not, what the 'eff!? You really need to read through the actual pages to get the full mind-f***-effect, but I've posted the beginning of the 519 post thread for those of you blocked by a firewall.

You took it seriously? LOL
Landover is like The Onion of religion.

[ceyko]

You took it seriously? LOL
Landover is like The Onion of religion.

I did not know either.

[Cannon88]

LMAO at you thinking this could be real.