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Political Science for Dummies
By trainer on September 24, 2009 6:55 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)
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DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, TRADITIONAL
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, then pour the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows.
You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your friend at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for 5-Cows.
The milk rights of the 6-Cows are transferred via an intermediary to a company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7-Cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns 8-Cows, with an option on 1 more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9-Cows.
No balance sheet available for release
The public buys your Bull.
FRENCH CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows and the government won't give you another one.
You go to lunch, drink wine, eat stinky brie.
Life is good.
BRITISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
Both are Mad.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You genetically modify them to one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and they produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called CowkiMon and market them worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You eugenically engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and can run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.
AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of 4-Cows
You are confused when the cow drops dead.
CANADIAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
One speaks French, one speaks English.
One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it.
They both play ice hockey & life goes-on.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows but don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
CHINESE CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
You have 300 people milking them
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
You arrest & detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.
TALIBAN CAPITALISM
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
LEBANESE CAPITALISM
You have no cows
The Syrians have one cow
You convince them to sell the cow to the Kuwaitis with a 50% profit
The Syrians are satisfied with the 50% they made
The Kuwaitis are happy because you arranged a good deal for them
Your commission is worth TEN cows
POLISH CAPITALISM
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
NORTH KOREAN CAPITALISM
You have No Cows
You have 2 Nuclear Weapons
You sell one of them
You use the money to have a week long celebration of the milking skills of the Glorious Leader
MEXICAN CAPITALISM
You have 3 Cows
You can only feed one
2 swim the Rio Grande to the United States
They send milk back south across the border
BELGIAN CAPITALISM
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
ZIMBABWE CAPITALISM
You have 10 Cows
You shoot the only man who knows how to milk them
You knock down the cowsheds
The cows die of starvation
CALIFORNIA CAPITALISM
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five understand English.
Most wandered in from across the border.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
Political Science for Dummies
By trainer on September 24, 2009 6:55 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)
.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, TRADITIONAL
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, then pour the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows.
You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your friend at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for 5-Cows.
The milk rights of the 6-Cows are transferred via an intermediary to a company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7-Cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns 8-Cows, with an option on 1 more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9-Cows.
No balance sheet available for release
The public buys your Bull.
FRENCH CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows and the government won't give you another one.
You go to lunch, drink wine, eat stinky brie.
Life is good.
BRITISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
Both are Mad.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You genetically modify them to one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and they produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called CowkiMon and market them worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You eugenically engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent milk, and can run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.
AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of 4-Cows
You are confused when the cow drops dead.
CANADIAN CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
One speaks French, one speaks English.
One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it.
They both play ice hockey & life goes-on.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows but don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
CHINESE CAPITALISM
You have 2-Cows
You have 300 people milking them
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
You arrest & detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.
TALIBAN CAPITALISM
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
LEBANESE CAPITALISM
You have no cows
The Syrians have one cow
You convince them to sell the cow to the Kuwaitis with a 50% profit
The Syrians are satisfied with the 50% they made
The Kuwaitis are happy because you arranged a good deal for them
Your commission is worth TEN cows
POLISH CAPITALISM
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
NORTH KOREAN CAPITALISM
You have No Cows
You have 2 Nuclear Weapons
You sell one of them
You use the money to have a week long celebration of the milking skills of the Glorious Leader
MEXICAN CAPITALISM
You have 3 Cows
You can only feed one
2 swim the Rio Grande to the United States
They send milk back south across the border
BELGIAN CAPITALISM
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
ZIMBABWE CAPITALISM
You have 10 Cows
You shoot the only man who knows how to milk them
You knock down the cowsheds
The cows die of starvation
CALIFORNIA CAPITALISM
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five understand English.
Most wandered in from across the border.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.